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Oh, self-care. For many of us that term means "me time." You know: spa days, a good book, bubble baths, yoga, and all that jazz. Self-care is often a list in a magazine of things to surround yourself with that tend to smell fruity or can come down to a swipe of a credit card at the mall.

Now, more than ever, self-care needs to mean so much more. Self-care is actually the ultimate form of self-respect. Maybe it can even save the world? Stay with me...

Because here's the thing I don't always want to admit: When my self-care sucks, my integrity wanes. I cancel on you at the last-minute. I show up half-hearted. I'm more cranky and close-minded. I don't pay attention. I make more messes. I'm not as helpful. That one really sucks because my No. 1 goal in life is to be of service. So self-care is really that important for me. Or I actually get really off track in life. And I want my partners (professional and romantic) to up their self-care too—otherwise everything suffers. We're not fooling anyone (and neither are you).

For me, honest self-care doesn't mean cramming in 50 minutes at the gym in which the whole time I'm thinking about what I'll make for dinner and that the engine light is on in my car and that she had some nerve. So if it's not just about bubble baths and hitting the gym, what does this "self-care" stuff mean?

One of the definitions of care is: "watchful attention." I love this definition. This is where I smell the world-changing potential of real self-care. To this end, I've broken self-care down into a totally scientific process I call S.T.O.P. Try it!

S is for savor...

I can talk fast, connect the dots fast, eat fast, and launch ideas and programs fast. There is nothing wrong with that. My impatience and speed can create positive change.

Savor, on the other hand, makes me think of gooey, homemade macaroni and cheese. Or breathing in salty sea air as the fog spritzes my face. Or lingering in a warm hug from my sweetie. Or letting it sink in when someone says something that really floors me at a Respect Rally (like an 11-year-old girl who said after a visualization that "her Future Self told her to respect herself today to reach her goals tomorrow." Mmmmm....)

Savor is a tantalizing way to say slow down. Do I really want to rush to the bank to check my balance anyway? Do I want to rush to another birthday? Do I want to learn all my lessons today and be bored out of mind for the next 50 years? No. Savor also means I notice that the other forces besides my bright ideas are at play in the universe. Hmmm.

Here's the even more challenging part, though. I'm even attempting to savor walking through my fires. Moving house, fixing busted pipes, using my resources wisely, finishing an intense training program, growing Respect Rx, dark moods, losing contracts, pitching new business, the ending of a 10-year relationship (i.e. divorce), paying taxes, conflicts in new relationships. Savor this stuff? It's worth a try. Because I want to learn my lessons real good to make room for new experiences. I also love that feeling when you look back and can say: I made it through. I was OK. I am OK.

What I've heard and learned: What you resist will just persist. I.e. you could get deadly heart disease eating tons of gooey, homemade macaroni and cheese you never even had the pleasure of tasting. Bummer.

For you:
• What do you want to savor right now?

T is for talk it out...

I wish someone would start Economy Anonymous or Freaked-Out Anonymous or Worst-Mood-Ever Anonymous. As someone who's greatly benefited from the world of "anons" I think we could all use safe spaces to talk stuff out as part of our self-care. And I don't mean just calling your BF and venting. Or supposed problem-solving with your partner at the end of a long day when you're maxed out.

I mean participating in a community where there is a "pact" about honest sharing and deep listening. Where you can say what you need to say; and hear what you need to hear. Whether it be your church, a conference call you set up with friends each week around a theme (my friends and I did this around money), or a support group that has a facilitator or counselor on hand. It's about leaning into others and being leaned on.

For you:
• What would make you feel less alone right now?
• What step will you take to create that support?

O is for opt-out...

This one is simple. Self-care means setting boundaries. Creating a little space around you. Freeing up time to do some "resentment-prevention" work (for me this is where bubble baths, reading, sleep, and running do come in). My sweetie offers this test: If you look at your cat and think he has the best life ever and you would sell your soul to trade places with him, it's time for more self-care of the opting-out flavor. You can also opt-out of "shoulds" that hound you or beliefs that aren't working for you anymore. Whatever it takes to take better care of you.

For you:
• What do you want to opt out of right now?

P is for pause...

When I'm about to intentionally hurl myself down some stairs (or push you down them!), whoa, it's time to pause. Hot-faced irritation and generally hating on myself or others to excess means I need to pause:). I'm a proponent of spreading respect after all—my rep is on the line here! That feeling that I don't want to do my beautiful, fulfilling work because it is feeling like too much "work" means I need to pause. Pausing could be simply asking myself: What do I need right now? Water? To pee? Oxygen anyone?

Pause doesn't mean to retire or not care. It means be where you're at. Or let some stuff marinate before you make the next move. Celebrate for goodness sake. Maybe you need to pause to shine your flashlight on an area of your life that needs more of that watchful attention. After I do a lot of fun, empowering work with people, I've learned to pause. The Google Calendar needs to be color-block free. Then I can resume regular programming with some presence. Savor and Pause are obviously good friends.

Most often, I need to pause before I attempt to go fast again. Because I like going fast. That's me. Fulfillment can't wait! So that's why for me P is for pause because I don't want to reach for another P instead—like Pull the Plug.

For you:
• Where do you need to pause?

Self-care has grown up for me. Bubble baths are nice, but too many dry out my skin:) or they are pointless if I'm just soaking in my worries. Self-care now means self-respect. And it requires daily recommitment. And some days I fail miserably. And that's just another time to S.T.O.P.

When I'm paying "watchful attention," it means I show myself through my actions that I'm a valuable resource. It means I have a healthy respect for what can really be accomplished in a day by this imperfect human being. At its simplest, self-care to me now means that I truly see, smell, chew, taste and give gratitude for my plate of gooey, homemade macaroni and cheese. And life.

For you:
• What would our world gain if you STOPped to take real care of you?
• And how would your world change?

Comments (2) | by Courtney on January 1

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Feed below or go here:
http://twitter.com/respectrx

Comments (0) | by Courtney on June 5

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Well, OK, let me explain. We didn't meet Judy Blume. But we did celebrate her and the release of our own Jen Jones' new book Judy Blume: Fearless Storyteller for Teens. It was so fun to remember all the passages and page numbers in Blume's books that raised eyebrows and our own IQs about our bodies, boys and basically everything! With Jen's book release on the calendar, we decided to kick-off our Respect Rx retreat at the same time. Seemed so fitting. Judy Blume is a revolutionary and we'd like to think we are taking a page from her book(s)! Check out the exclusive Judy Blume video below!

So the Jens and I—along with Jones, they are Jennifer Davidson (our Respect Rally Training Leader) and Jennifer Uribe (our fearless Intern and Rally-Leader-In-Training)—all converged in Los Angeles last week. We had an awesome retreat where we worked on our Respect Rally and other programs. We also stared at the ocean and tried briefly to corrupt 19-year-old Uribe. But it didn't work. She simply has too much self-respect.

We connected with WHY we want to do this work together. We made mind maps that revealed intentions for ourselves and girls/women like:

inner peace
fulfillment
sisterhood
acceptance
we matter
being true to ourselves
self-worth
big dreams
tolerance
clarity
connection
being heard
love
strength
not alone
world peace
safety
commitment

Well we are committed, that's for sure. The list was LONG. What's so exciting for me is how you can create so much more when you invite other people to the party and set clear intentions. (I set the intention to do full-time "girl work" almost two years ago). Even in economic hard times or in times of world turmoil, you can build something new and needed. In fact, what not a better time to take action? The Respect Rally and our other programs are about so much more than cultivating self-respect and mutual respect. Our big agenda is to create a non-violent world where all girls—all people—know their rights, know their power and know they can follow their passions without fear. And know they are safe and respected by all.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. (Just ask The Jens!) Our guiding quote for the retreat says it all:

"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

P.S. Here's a picture of Jones celebrating!

And the original song by Hero Style at Jen's book party. "We Must Increase Our Bust"

Comments (0) | by Courtney on June 30

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I've been working on two major leadership thing-ies:

1. The Girl Scouts USA uniquely ME! Leadership Institute (which I'm facilitating July 7-11 in Atlanta). I've been reading through the girls' applications. And, well, if you want to have a good cry while your heart fills with hope and admiration for your fellow girls (and our future leaders), come on over to my house and have a read!

2. Respect Rx. We're taking steps every day, every minute to create powerful event programs and trainings for girls and women and their advocates. We're growing rapidly thanks to the Jens* and other amazing women like our new accounting guru who doubles as a passionate high school music teacher. And thanks to my coach Sharna Fey. And thanks to the supportive coaches I train with at The Coaches Training Institute. This leadership stuff takes a village, people! As it should.

It got me thinking about what kind of leader do I want to be? What kinda leader am I already? I believe we all lead. The question is: What are we leading ourselves and others toward?

When it comes to what kinda leader you want to be, you don't have to copy archetypes you've seen in action: Trump, Bush, Gates, your current boss, your current principal, your mom:). That said, high-profile-role-model pickings can be slim if you want to learn from someone who has walked your walk. Women account for only 2.6% of the Fortune 500 CEOs and 16.4% of Congress members. And of those Congresswomen, only 20 women are women of color.

That said, to me, a leader doesn't have a fancy title and the paycheck to go with it or be elected or be able to pass me toilet paper under the bathroom stall because we share the same gender. You don't need someone exactly like you who came before you to pave the way for you to lead (not that it doesn't help!). At the end of the day, we all are already leaders. And if you feel you don't fit the so-called mold or don't know how to break it, then paste this quote Sharna sent me next to your bathroom mirror:

Everybody can be great...because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love. —Martin Luther King, Jr.

This week's Juicy Question: What kind of a leader are you? And what are you leading yourself and others to**?

*This is not a new rock band:) Jen Jones and Jen Davidson and Jen Uribe are on Team Respect Rx.
**Hey, MLK said it's OK for me to end a sentence with a preposition.

Comments (0) | by Courtney on June 19

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Oh, My Sweet Sixteen. It was a botched surprise party with, I think, a greasy box of Fast Pizza Delivery (FPD). I did pass my Driver's Test. I got marked down for driving too slow. And I remember I got a dental-floss thin gold bracelet in a Mervyn's box from my not-really-my-BF-but-I-did-anything-to-get-his-attention "date." He soon dumped me. Oh, how Super.

But really, turning 16 was the best. Driving. You know, driving. But now that's all changed. I've discovered another kinda sweet 16 standard. My *Super* Sweet Sixteen. You know it. I thought MTV's manufacturing-desire-machine could never get to me. But after two years of watching this show, I too have succumbed to the pressure. Now I'm DEMANDING, with tears streaking through my Mystic Tan, that my father—OK, THE Father—throw me a lavish Super Sweet Sixteen do-over to be THE party of all time. Here's the plan:

The Invites: Oprah passes out my invites from her Wildest Dreams Bus. The invites are contained on a Mac Light that plays a rap video message from dad—the big guy—inviting guests to attend my party. Or else. In the video, Kanye spins beats in the background and Beyonce drops it like it's hot. Among the guests: Barack AND Hillary. Joan of Arc. The Buddha and Miley Cyrus. My BFFs Janell and Heather. Not invited: You. I have all the power, b-yatches. Don't hate.

My outfit: I'm fitted with a hologram coating that displays the retro couture masterpieces of all time. My gown "changes" every 5 mins. including the best-of Audrey Hepburn. Grace Kelly. Jackie O. Marilyn. Carrie B.

The locale: The moon. Heaven is played out. Sorry, DAD. No one has EVER had their Super Sweet 16 on the moon. Holla. Our space shuttle is covered in Swarovski crystals. I take pilot lessons from Neil Armstrong (mortality is not an issue when dad is the O.G., people) so I can fly the shuttle myself. If this doesn't impress my friends, nothing will. But wait, there's more. Once we're at zero gravity, we drink Cristal out of tubes also covered with Swarovski crystals. There is no drinking age outside the atmosphere. CNN has a live feed of the party. North Korea lifts their media ban for this special event. Holla. We'll eat sushi made out of organic ice and air. Every nation will launch nuclear bombs into space in unison so that my guests can enjoy some massive fireworks. Oh, from the moon we'll project my custom logo, C-ME, on to planet Earth for all to witness. While we're at it: Swag bags for all of humanity. I'm sure all those "poor" kids will love the Magnolia cupcakes and LV dog collars for their teacup pups. I'm trill like that. At some point the Martians come by and crown me their ruler. Boring. As the finale, dad creates a new planet called, duh, Courtney. MTV pimps my planet. And as the encore: Oprah passes me the reins. (She is bigger than dad and He gets this.)

Our surprise musical guest...
...is Tupac. He doesn't have to supply a lost joint from beyond the grave because Dad has resurrected him just for my party. (No disrespect. R.I.P.). American Idol skips Season 7 and instead Seacrest names me Your Next American Idol (whatever, he's just trying to have a presence). That said, my present from Madonna, aside from crediting me with her entire career, is all proceeds from her future concert and record sales. I give her a sigh for her quaintness. So she offers up her children. They work for me now. So do Brangelina's brood. They are, like, so cute. I make Shiloh my new pet, but then I forget her on Mars. OMG!

For the after-party we travel through the centuries in a time-machine made from a Hummer limo (so we'll blend in when we get back home—that's class).

The gifts? Back on Earth dad texts the sun and freezes time so me and my friends have the chance to raid Rodeo Drive and Barneys and Paris Fashion Week for whatever we want. Boring. But then I get the best gift of all. Presented in a small, blue Tiffany box—you know the one—is a shiny, one-of-a-kind pink and yellow diamond encrusted locket engraved with my logo. Inside: The entire universe.

And my first act as master of the universe?

To stop the madness.

Comments (0) | by Courtney on June 17

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First thing: I'll finally be doing a personal blog on Respect Rx. Technically the whole site's been my blog! But now I'll actually blog from me-to-you about what's happening around here and my own road to respect (it's a 4eva process as you all know!).

Second thing: Click below to see my vision board that I made this weekend! I've had less flashy versions of a vision board before—you know doodles in my journal or 8x11 sheets with flow-chart looking stuff that showed what I wanted to do DO with my life. Why a vision board? Cuz seeing is believing and all that jazz. Honestly, though. Everything that's been even slightly worthwhile in my life, or that I've learned from (even if that learning made we want to claw my eyes out in anguish!), came from two places: Having a vision. Or not having one (oops!!). When you get in touch with what you want, and really picture it happening, it's so much easier to actually choose to do all those little mini steps in between your vision and making it a reality. Also, getting to mess around with glue sticks, glitter and stickers? Need I say more?

And if you think vision boards are cheesy. Two things: Cheese is yummy. And: The Obama camp made one (which is featured on our friend Joyce's web site)!

My vision board has a couple of themes:

• My Values: All those words everywhere and in the white circle.
• Respect Rx: Where I want it to go and our goal to empower millions of girls and women through our retreats and Respect Rallies! Including having our own Retreat Center some day. And I'll just envision it: Someday SOON. Like in 5 years! People, it's a vision board, not a grocery list! I put pictures of girls I've worked with and Jen Jones who works with me here at Respect Rx. Love you all!
• My Marriage: This is more a blessing that we keep having fun and respecting each other. We have our 5 year anniversary this year and have been together for 9 years (holy smokes!). I put a copy of the cutest picture we ever saw, which is of a little monkey hugging a pigeon. They became BFFs while recuperating from an injury at an animal center and are now inseparable. It says "love knows no boundaries." Cheesy and yet so us because it's also funny and crazy and includes a monkey!
• Kids: Maybe we will, maybe we won't. But I'm open to more kids coming into our life whether we are these kids' "parents" or not.
• Health: That's the surfer girl. I have set an intention of becoming a surfer!
• Travel: India in particular.
• Abundance: Our work being valued and me creating more funding for girls and women by valuing what I do first! Respect Rx will create profits and redistribute them to organizations and people who are helping girls and women. Watch out Oprah! We're ready to give BIG.

It's just fun to see everything I want to create reflected back. I'm not tied to "how" it happens. You can see that these are my VALUES. Values + Vision + Taking Action = Booming Self-Respect and Fulfillment.

Want to create your own VB? There are tons of books and web sites about this—check out Christine Kane and Joyce Schwarz who has a new book coming out this fall, THE VISION BOARD: Unlock the Secret to an Extraordinary Life. Here are the DIY basics:

• Picture what kind of life you want and goals you want to reach if time, money and resources weren't an issue. Include goals you're already working on. You want to see them through don't ya? Sit quietly a moment and really picture it. It helps to see yourself 5 or 10 years from now: What do you have going on that really rocks? Stick it on your vb.
• Think BIG. This isn't your "boring-just-getting-by-life-list." This is your VISION board.
• Break out the art supplies. Magazines, stickers, pens, paint, glitter. Whatever. Look for symbols of what you want to be and what you value and where you want to go.
• Start pasting stuff to your vision board. It helped me to start with my values and power words (inspired, passion, love) in the middle and have everything build from there. Add quotes. Add a picture of your role model. Add the logo of the company you want to work for. Add the dollar amount you want in your bank account. Add a picture of where you want to live and vacation. Add whatever represents your vision—you get the picture!
• Hang it where you can see it all the time and look at it each day.

From your vision, you can set lively goals that you actually WANT to do. More on that later! Anyway, this is my vision board. Have a peak:

*you can see the monkey and pigeon in this one! (and me and "Po" my hubby on our wedding day). guess which is which!:)

Comments (4) | by Courtney on June 16

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