RESPECT co-author, Courtney Macavinta, blogs for girls and women about how to build your self-respect and spread respect for all! At The Respect Institute she teaches people of all ages how to integrate The Respect Basics into their lives, work and advocacy. More about About Courtney
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Family, Girls
My Parents Don't Trust or Respect Me
My parents don't trust or respect me. They seems to think that I must respect them at all times and that respect only goes one way. They yell at me, make consequences more severe than is necessary, and don't let me hang out with my guy friends who have long hair and wear black. How to I get them to respect me and get them to be trustworthy too?
Rx: You're right: Respect should be a two-way street in any relationship. One great way to create more trust with your parents, is to ask them some juicy questions...
Trust and respect are both very important in order to have a healthy relationship with anybody, especially your parents, that is why both you and your parents must work hard to obtain that. If you sit down and talk to your parents (make sure that it is the right time and place to do so) when you are both calm, you can let them know how you feel so they can start to get to you know better. This requires for both you and your parents to keep the communication flowing both directions. So don't let them do all the talking.
For example, ask them:
-What makes you concerned about my guy friends?
-Or what can I do to earn your trust?
Then make some requests about what you want. It never hurts to try! NOT in the heat of the moment, say something like:
-It hurts my feelings when you yell at me. How can we talk this out so we both feel good about it?
Also start to share more with them about your life—let them in. Their tough rules might be coming from a place of love AND fear. If you let them get to know you better, they might trust you more. Like, if you start talking to them about your day and how your friends treat you (with respect, of course!) or what you're passionate about.
Respectful communication takes a lot of time and hard work to establish, but if both your parents and you are willing to build a strong relationship it is definitely worth it!
Also, check out more advice on how to speak up here! and in the Family chapter of RESPECT.
COMMENTS: PLEASE SHARE YOUR "I CAN RELATE" STORIES BELOW AND ANY RESOURCES FOR TEENS WHO ARE IN THIS SITUATION. THANKS!
Comments (3) | by Courtney on September 26
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Carol said:
well whenever my younger sister disrespects me and i tell her to stop, she wont listen, so i go and tell my parents but all they do is yell at me and hit me just because she is crying... i respect them so much and im so loyal to them, and i do whatever they say but they still treat me like crap and always find a way to make it seem like everything is my falut.... what can i do... same with my brother they treat him the same way he is 10 im 14 and my sister is 8, and she clearly understands what is wrong or right, sometimes she will even hurt herself to get us introuble
Carol said:
oh ps i also respect my sister alot im always saying thank you to her and trying to do nice stuff for her but she repays me by acting like a total bitch...
Carol said:
oh ps i also respect my sister alot im always saying thank you to her and trying to do nice stuff for her but she repays me by acting like a total a-hole...
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