about Respect Rx

RESPECT co-author, Courtney Macavinta, blogs for girls and women about how to build your self-respect and spread respect for all! At The Respect Institute she teaches people of all ages how to integrate The Respect Basics into their lives, work and advocacy. More about About Courtney

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Friends + Sisterhood, Girls

My Friend Is Mean

Dilemma

My bestfriend sometimes acts all weird and mean to me and I don't know why. Should I say something to her?

Rx: Definitely. True friends don’t change how they feel about you depending on a situation, mood they’re in, or who’s around. Sure everyone has a bad day sometimes. But respecting yourself means speaking up about your feelings and not letting it slide when a friend hurts you. Take these steps:

1. Gut check. Sisterhood is all about standing by each other. In respectful friendships, friends let you be yourself and are on your side, honest and invested in your friendship (meaning, she’ll really care if she's been hurting you and will want to work things out). And being a good friend on your part means giving your friend the chance to improve—not just cutting her off or turning other girls against her. Think about: How do you want your friends to treat you and vice versa? Is this girl sliding past your boundaries? What about her treatment feels wrong to you?

2. Speak up. When you know how you feel, do tell your friend what's up. It doesn't have to be a dramatic showdown, though. Focus on how you feel (if you want her to listen, don't go off on her about her "crimes" against you). Try something like, "We need to talk. It makes me feel bad that sometimes we have so much fun and you’re nice to me, and then other times you ignore me or hurt my feelings. If we’re going to stay friends, we need to treat each other with respect, always."

3. Stay true to you. When you set boundaries along these lines, you actually become closer to your friends because you're being honest about your feelings and what's right for you. If they care about you they'll totally listen and your friendship will get even stronger. And if your friend blows you off, think about if she's the kind of *friend* you really want. Don't you deserve better? If you need to break up with her, check out Chapter 6 of RESPECT for more tips. If you want to make new friends who appreciate you more, consider joining an after-school org that is all about building sisterhood.

 

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<< Previous: Quiz: Flirting or Hurting? | Next:Boys Are Ruling Gym Class >>