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I have this good guy friend who my parents don't like. They have requested that I don't talk to or see this guy. I don't want to forget about him, but I don't want my parents mad at me either. So what should I do?

Rx: When I was a young*er* woman, sadly I was often the friend who parents wanted to background check (I swear, that's changed!). So I know that sometimes, people get a bad rap. Still, I can tell you respect your parents because you actually care what they think. And that's going to carry you far when negotiating about your friendship with The Guy.

For starters do some more digging around and find out why your parents aren't into The Guy. Are they judging him unfairly based on where he comes from or how he looks? Or did you break a rule *together* and now they're blaming him? Get to the truth. Ask your parents what's up when you're not upset. (Use these tips to get the conversation going.)

Here's a secret: Listen more than you talk. Act like Oprah and ask your parents probing questions like: I understand you don’t want me hanging around The Guy, can you tell me more about your concerns? What about him makes you worry? Did he disrespect you in some way? Are there any reasons you don't trust me right now?

Then think about your friendship. Is The Guy is good for you? Do you have mutual respect for one another? Is he the kinda of friend who makes you want to be a better person? Does he accept you? If not, do your parents have a point? On the other hand, if you said "yes" to every question, go back to your parents and explain what he means to you. Ask for their trust in *you* (because you only plan on surrounding yourself with self-respecting people, right?). Set some new boundaries together. Like can he come over and hang out while your parents are home so they can get to know him better?

And keep your promises: Like if you two crossed some line that is not cool with your parents, make sure they know that you won't do it again. Keep negotiating until your parents feel comfortable and the trust and respect is booming again.

More Rx from Real Girl Serar: The same thing happened to me once. Two years ago I was very close with this guy from school. He was a really good friend of mine and we would spend hours talking on the phone each day. I think it was because my parents were afraid that I’d start liking him and my crush would take over that they didn’t really want me to be around him much. They had never met him, but already were quick to pass judgment. I basically never got to see him and would stop talking about him completely so I wouldn’t have to hear about it each time. It was painful, but our friendship never faded. That summer he moved to California and we’ve been close ever since.

I think that when you reach a certain age, you are old enough to decide who you want to/will be friends with. So your parents can’t always tell you who you’re going to like or not, or what you’re going to do with your life. If your friend means a lot to you, stick to your heart but also listen to what you’re gut tells you. Sometimes we can act blindly when we’re too caught up with someone.

When it comes to respecting your parents' wishes, think about the fact that they always have your best interest in mind. When you’re ready to talk to your parents about your friend, remember that for them to trust your judgment they need to see the most important thing ever: maturity. Talking about how mature you are is one thing, but what really matters is when you practice what you preach. Show them you can balance your social life with your other priorities, show them you’re ready to be an adult, and they’ll show you the respect you deserve.

Comments (2) | by Courtney on March 10

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