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Part of respecting yourself means figuring out what you need. Often what we need is help. This might mean getting help in a situation that's dangerous, or digging deeper for more information on a subject. It could just mean asking someone a question (Like, "Hey Mom, What would you do if [fill in the blank]?").

If you know that you need help but you're having difficulty reaching out, it's understandable. Asking for help isn't easy for most people. To tell someone your feelings, some really personal stuff that you might be scared of, and that takes a ton of courage. Sometimes girls will try to convince themselves that they don't need help—that whatever happened was no big deal. But if you ever thought twice about what's bugging you, it most likely is a big deal to you. So listen to your gut and do what you need to do. Getting help is not about being weak. It's about making yourself stronger with good info and support. We ALL need Help!

This section is full of resources to help you do some major exploring or to get help. And here are more tips to live by:

Talk to an Expert
To get help dealing with abuse or to work through painful feelings (such as depression, eating disorders, relationship issues, etc.) you usually need to talk to someone you can trust. When you've been hurt or are feeling sad or upset, talking to a friend or family member might be a great start. But if you need more support, confidentiality, or guidance about how to recover and heal it's a good idea to speak with a trained therapist or counselor.

Find a therapist or counselor. You can ask your doctor or school nurse for recommendations, get referrals from some the helplines and Web sites listed below, such as the American Psychological Association or National Association of Social Workers. You can also call (800) THERAPIST for reliable referrals.

If you're worried about counseling costing tons of money, you can also check with local universities that have medical or psychology clinics to see if they offer services to the public for free or on a "sliding scale" (based on what you can afford). Or look in the phone book for community clinics that might offer services at lower costs than a private practice. Also, a lot of cities have institutes for postgraduates in psychology and social work, who are in "training," but are supervised by professionals to make sure they are giving you the best advice.

Ask questions. Before you start sharing your story, think about asking some questions first. Not all therapists will be right for you. And some might not be qualified to give you the help you need for a specific problem. So if you're going to seek help from a therapist, be sure to interview him or her before making your choice. Also, keep in mind if you feel more comfortable with a male or female therapist and what, exactly, you need to work on. In other words, you want to seek someone who specializes in your need or what you've been going through (like child abuse or depression). And ask for a freebie "get to know you" session or call and ask questions like:

• What is your educational and professional background? What are your credentials? (The therapist should have a doctorate, degree and/or license in a therapy-related field, such as psychiatry, marriage and family counseling, or clinical social work.)
• What areas do you specialize in?
• Are you in good standing with your licensing board, and have there ever been any complaints filed against you? (You can check with the board by calling; just lookit up online.)
• What professional organizations do you belong to? (Check with that organization.)
• What is your style of therapy? (Like, do they do more listening or talking?)
• What's your fee? (If you don't have a lot of money or insurance, ask if the therapist has a sliding scale.)

Trust your gut. You need to feel comfortable and safe so you can trust your therapist enough to open up and to get the help you need. You need to "click." Here are some red flags that mean you need to find another therapist. The person:

...doesn't seem like she/he is listening closely or forgets major details from prior sessions.
...flirts with you in subtle or not so subtle ways.
... touches you inappropriately.
...tries to start a relationship with you outside of your sessions.

Explore a Topic
When you dig deeper into a subject, you need to start somewhere—and that's what this section is all about. Here are some things to keep in mind as you explore.

Helplines. In Help!, you'll find national organizations and helplines that you can call for more information or immediate help. Numbers that have area codes 800, 888, 877 and 866 are toll-free, which means you can call at no charge and it doesn't show up on your phone bill. Also, when you call, be sure to ask if your call is kept confidential.

Books & publications. Some books might have kinda outdated covers or refer to you as a "kid," but don't let that turn you off from the important info inside. In other words, don't judge a book by its cover. Remember that you don't have to buy every book—check your local library for a copy. Some organizations even offer electronic copies of pamphlets, or materials that you can download from their Web sites. Also, to find out what else is out there on a given subject, go to Amazon (www.amazon.com) and do a subject matter search in Books (they have a teen section under books as well).

Web sites. Some Internet access points, such as the computers at public libraries or schools, might have "filters" that weed out various Web sites, or your parents might have installed a filter program on your computer at home. These filters are far from flawless, and as a result some helpful and reputable Web sites can get blocked. If you're not worried about your privacy, let your parents or a librarian know what you're looking for and perhaps they can unblock the site for you. Or, try accessing it from an unfiltered computer.

Keep in mind that not all sites have all the information you'll need on a given subject. And some sites belong to organizations that have a religious, political, or ideological agenda and put different spins on what they publish. That's why it's important to always get info from more than one source. A lot of content on the Web is less than trustworthy, and some of it can be downright sexist, racist, or disrespectful in other ways. When you access a site, ask yourself: Is it the information from a reputable source and respectful to girls?

Tips for searching the Web. Some resource sections have a "Look It Up" feature that provides some helpful search terms that you can type into a popular Internet search engine, such as Google (www.google.com) or Yahoo! (www.yahoo.com), or your local library's online catalog. Enter search terms exactly as you see them (with quote signs and plus signs) to get the best results. Phrases that have more than one word should be typed within quotes. If you don't have access to the Internet at home, you can get access to the Internet at schools, university libraries, copy centers, and at Internet cafes.

Some search terms can also be used if you're looking for a listing in the phone book. You can find important local listings, such as those for domestic violence hotlines, either in the front of the White Pages (in the Government section), or in the Yellow Pages. Keep in mind that local phone books sometimes have confusing ways of categorizing things, so you might need to try a couple of different terms for what you're looking for. You can also search for local listings online at: Google Local (http://local.google.com), WhitePages.com (www.whitepages.com), and Yellow Pages (www.yellowpages.com). Note: We think Google Local is by far the best search engine for finding local listings.

MORE INFO >
Go to the full Help! section

llustration by Catherine LePage © Free Spirit Publishing Inc. 2005

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