• go to The Respect Institute

When I was 15 and hating on myself and defiling myself and barfing and blacking out on the weekends—AND also having lots of fun and being free (ah the paradox)—I couldn't picture the future. The good news: I was in the "now." The bad news: My "now" was frequently hanging out in the disrespect zone. I couldn't picture who I'd be in 5 years—let alone in 5 months. I wasn't strongly attached to a vision or dream for myself. So that meant I was lost and losing myself.

And when I did meet and pursue my first big dream (going to college to become a journalist), self-respect started to bloom. And so did I. And now the world is better for it. And I can say that about myself and you should too. I say own your power because there is too much we are powerless over in the meantime.

I think when we can have a little meet and greet with our future self (who we'd like to be and already are deep inside) we can reveal our passions. Which helps us see what's important to us. Which can trigger our goals. Which allows us to move forward to create the life we want and fulfill our many callings. And it's fun.

Here's where I'm going with this (VIDEO follows!)...

Today a very beautiful person died: Randy Pausch. Randy was a Carnegie Mellon professor who I learned about when he was featured on Oprah. Dieing of cancer, with three-to-six months left to live, he delivered what has been coined "The Last Lecture." It was an assignment from Carnegie Mellon. Professors are asked to create and deliver the last lecture of their lives, the question: What would be your message?

Pausch's lecture, which would in his case be his "last", is a funny and inspiring talk about how he followed his dreams (BEFORE his diagnosis) and lessons learned. (It's also now a book.)

Watch his Last Lecture now:

When you're done watching, I want you to write Your Last Lecture. You don't need Powerpoint. You don't need to be a so-called writer (please people, I have misspelled my own name!). Here are some steps to get you started:

#1. Sit down, close your eyes, and picture yourself 5, 10, 20 years from now. What are you doing? How awesome are you? What dreams have you lived out? What's next for you? What have you learned? What's your impact on the people around you and our world?

#2. Write about your future self. How cool is she?

#3. Now that you're a bit more tapped into your greatness and abilities, write Your Last Lecture. Not into writing? Make a video or podcast message instead. What's your message to other girls, women and the world?

WIN IT! If you post Your Last Lecture below as a Comment, we'll send you a cool goody bag. We promise not to fall asleep and drool. These are some lectures we actually want to hear!

Comments (2) | by Courtney on July 25

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Real Girl Serar explores what's so special about being herself. And so can you.

Go to page 21 in RESPECT to complete The Real You activity in your journal. Here's Serar's journal entry. She rocks and so do you!

I am unique because: there is no one else in the world like me.

My secret talents are: singing and dancing (sometimes I’m too shy !)

I feel best about myself when: I have a positive attitude and am ready to take on the world.

The things I like most about myself are: I’m strong willed and can do anything I set my mind to.

I’m worth respecting because: I give others the respect they deserve.

Activity adapted from Respect: A Girl’s Guide to Getting Respect and Dealing When Your Line Is Crossed by Courtney Macavinta and Andrea Vander Pluym © 2005. Used with permission of Free Spirit Publishing Inc., Minneapolis, MN; 1-866-703-7322; www.freespirit.com. All rights reserved. © Free Spirit Publishing Inc. 2005

Comments (0) | by Courtney on September 11

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RESPECT has tons of journaling activities to help you find out what respect really means to you. Here Real Girl Serar, 17, gives us a sneak a peek into her journal as she picks her brain about who she is, what she wants, and how to respect herself like nobody's business:

1. What does respect mean to you?

Respect to me is just giving and getting what you deserve. It’s about appreciating other people and loving the person you are. Respect shows when you are confident in yourself and secure in everything that you do. Respect is the basis of any relationship, whether with family or friends, or even your boyfriend. Respecting the people in your life is one of the best things you could do...you’ll find that your relationships are based off of love and honesty rather than superficial fixations.

2. How are you getting and giving respect?

I definitely have a great deal of respect for the people in my life. Without respect, life at home would be complete and utter chaos. Not only am I learning how to respect others from my parents, they’re also learning about respecting me ! It takes a while to sort out a rocky relationship with your folks, but I know that my parents are doing everything they can to hear me out and appreciate my opinions and what I have to say. That means the world to me.

3. Name the people in your life you most respect. Why do you admire them?

Definitely my parents. They’ve both been through so much as kids at a young age. They’re just incredible. They have so much respect for others and they have the kindest hearts--it really shows.

4. Are all of Your Rights being honored by you and those around you? If so, how? If not, why?

Not necessarily. I wouldn’t be able to pinpoint every time this happens, but there always going to be people who could care less about respecting you. Sometimes they are trying to take advantage of you, other times they’re just being ruthless. But whatever the case, you just have to make sure that you know your boundaries and are willing to speak up if your gut tells you to do so.

5. Think about some disrespectful situations you’ve dealt with recently. How did you handle things? What could you have done differently? What might happen next time?

It was with a guy. Sometimes you think you know someone and just as you’re getting to know them (or not) the nasty side creeps up on you. He had absolutely no respect for me at all. How can you really tell from the beginning that this guy is a player if you’re caught up in his game? Next time, I’m not going to stick up for people I don’t know, and I’m also going to listen to my gut and go with what it says. I deserve more than that. And there’s no way I’m letting anyone push my boundaries again.

MORE INFO
Go to RESPECT Chapter 1: Page 17 to find this activity.

Questions adapted from Respect: A Girl’s Guide to Getting Respect and Dealing When Your Line Is Crossed by Courtney Macavinta and Andrea Vander Pluym © 2005. Used with permission of Free Spirit Publishing Inc., Minneapolis, MN; 1-866-703-7322; www.freespirit.com. All rights reserved. © Free Spirit Publishing Inc. 2005

Comments (0) | by Courtney on August 14

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After talking to a few women lately about how to ask for better pay or how to tell their partners their truth about one thing or another—it got me thinking about my latest post for women.

The question is: Do you ask you for what you *really* want?

I don't mean: "I'll have a turkey sandwich, hold the mayo." Or snapping at your partner: "Can you please take out the trash?" I mean when it comes to your dreams, rights, needs, or those perpetual boundary-crossers in your life—do you ask for what you want?

I think the difference between having booming self-respect, versus being resentful/off-track/held back or standing for disrespect in your life, often comes down to what you ask for. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a call for the demanding divas of the world to unite and for the claws to come out. There's a lot of confusion among girls and women right now between what it means to ask for what you want, and being high-maintenance (Thanks J-Lo, Paris and The Real Housewives of Orange County!).

To ask for want you want is to say: You're worthy and you know your worth. You are not invisible. You know who you are and you are oh-so-special (like everyone else on the planet). You have a mission in life to fulfill (so outta your way, already). You don't need someone else to tell you this stuff—you get it—but still, you have some requests from time to time. And you just have to ask...

I'm trying to appeal to the always-nice girl in you who feels like a constant imposter or just lucky to get a bone (or second-hand bone chip): Yes, she needs to ask for what she wants. Here's where I'll get a bit daytime-TV on you. But truly, you need to look at the woman in the mirror ask yourself:

• What is my vision for my life?
• What is my passion-purpose?
• What really matters to me?
• What's missing from my life?
• What do I WANT?
• OK, so who's standing in my way? (I think you know her…)

When you're faced with an opportunity or a spot on that team or a chance to grab that brass ring or a big fat risk that's worth the reward or the option just to make yourself uncontrollably happy, are you going to settle for: What does [insert that biting voice in your head that says you're not good enough] think I deserve?

Oh, I hope you won't listen to that naysayer. She NEVER gets what she wants.

Instead, ask for what you want. Ask yourself for all those juicy little things you ever wanted. Ask for full-blown permission to be yourself. Ask for all those giganctico dreams you want to live out. Ask yourself to love your body and whole entire you. ASK. And say YES.

Then please do branch out from there to asking for what you want (by way of support or changing your life and world for the better) from your loves, family, employer, Congresswoman, and fellow (wo)man...And if you ask, and the answer is No, go around the corner and ask someone else.

Even better, just say YES to yourself. The results/goodies/rewards/love/acknowledgement/respect you want will show up if your request is from the heart and harmless to others. In other words, you can sprinkle your own magic fairy dust on yourself. Just say Yes and ride off into the sunset already.

Asking for what I want has never failed me. But I have, at times, failed to ask. Have you?

What do want right now that you're not asking for? Or how do you ask for what you want? POST your comment below and enter to WIN a Respect T-shirt!

Comments (0) | by Courtney on April 15

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