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Ah, prom night. Nothing has changed since I was a teen except, uh, that now there's not just Seventeen and Teen prom issues—there are tons of entire magazines and Web sites devoted just to the big dance. And now the cost of some dresses could buy you a car or a semester at college. And the parties? Can you say "Cancun Spring Break" preview?

So how can you be yourself, not buckle under the pressure to spend boatloads of money AND make self-respecting choices after prom when the real party begins?

First, a confession: I went to four proms during my high school career. I think I spent more time thinking about prom, angling for dates for prom, working to save money to buy stuff for prom (my parents were po'), and getting ready for prom than I actually did studying. For real. I spent so much time planning and primping just so I couldn't (umm…) look like, act like, and have fun being, well, the real me.

Like I spent hours:
…putting on Lee Press-Ons.
…getting a perm for one prom (after BEGGING my mom) because my hair was naturally straight.
…finding the perfect dress to stand out and look better than everyone else.
…binge dieting and exercising to lose weight before prom.
…doing my makeup.
…waiting in line to get my photo taken.
…crying when the photo didn't look perfect.
…worrying about whether I would get pressured into a thing or two after prom.
…doing that thing or two and regretting until it I was at least 25.

Time spent having fun at prom: ZERO (honestly)

OK, but I want the girls of the world to have fun at prom (and every other day of your life). To dance in a circle like you do at the regular school dances with big smiles on your faces and not caring who's looking at you. To not spend your college fund or lose your self-respect to impress at prom.

Self-respect is all about being yourself, at all times, period. Prom presents some challenges to the repect-o-sphere, though. That's why I don't want you to follow my lead from back in the day. Instead follow these do's and don'ts:

DO take action and get involved in planning the event so it's a fun-respect-filled night for all (including affordable, safe, funky, and inclusive!)

DO be yourself.

DO go as yourself just glammed up (if you like) but not made over or in disguise.

DO have fun.

DO create great memories w. your friends not empty celeb red-carpet photo ops.

DO treat your body with respect. Don't starve, abuse, poison or put you in harm's way for prom. (It's supposed to be fun not a war zone!!).

DON'T go if you don't feel like it.

DON'T feel like you need a date—you can go with your girls.

DON'T spend more time or money getting ready than you will actually spend dancing, laughing, or feeling fabulous!

DO dance.

DO have a plan for after-prom parties so you can stick to your boundaries. Use the buddy system so you don't get stuck somewhere or with someone scary.

DO take fun camera-phone pics or Poloroids. If you like, skip the long line, cheesy backdrops, stiff smile and hefty price-tag for the professional prom photos.

DON'T lie to your parents about your prom doings and risk losing other privileges that you value more than one little night like graduation/grad night, summer fun or their trust and respect.

DON'T feel like you need to hook up with anyone. If you're not ready for kissing or having sex—or anything in between—with your date: don't. And let him/her know it ain't happening ahead of time. If that's his/her requirement for a date, tell him/her to email me for some schoolin! Or just say: "It's a dance, not an arranged marriage." Remember, when it comes to sex/hooking up, check out The 7 Questions so you can always put you and your self-respect first.

DON'T measure your worth based on your prom get-up/plan. Your are so amazing, talented, and have so much in store for yourself—can one dance really define you? Only if it's the happy dance you do every morning of your life because you're Ms. You!

DO be aware of what could be driving your prom fantasies. Kate Pavao, senior editor at one of my favorite sister sites, Common Sense, has this to say about prom media madness:

Talk about a mixed message: The April edition of Teen Vogue features a big article on out-of-control proms, which blames the media—specifically movies—for the increased pressure on teens to buy expensive dresses, snag hot dates, have extravagant after-parties, and make prom night the best night of their lives.

Of course this article is just part of the magazine’s prom package, set among pages of prom dresses—one of which costs over $400—and even an article about getting skin in perfect dance-night condition, starting a month ahead of time.

True, there are dresses at lower price points, and the magazine does show girls bargain shopping or going vintage. But teen magazines’ prom packages make it obvious that it’s not just the movies building the prom pressure, setting up the big night to be a big disappointment—and a big expense.

Now we're not saying to boycott prom and every magazine spread that comes with it. Instead, filter your media so you aren't manipulated into disrespecting yourself by not being yourself. Common Sense says to ask yourself (or your daughter) these questions. Time to break out your journal:

• Is prom an important enough event to warrant so many magazine pages? What do these packages do to your expectations for the night? Do you think the reality can ever live up to the fantasy that magazines present?

• How do you feel about yourself after seeing teens model glamorous prom dresses and fancy hair styles? Do you notice yourself thinking about your own body or looks more after reading these packages? Does it leave you wanting to spend more money on makeup and accessories to make the night perfect? (This might be a good time to talk about how magazine models have stylists -- and are airbrushed, too.)

• If you were editing a teen magazine, and putting together a prom package, what, if anything, would you do differently? If an editor was really concerned about out-of-control proms, is it enough to write an article about it, or would you feature some other content?

• What do magazines have to gain by promoting lots of prom-related products? Can you find any crossovers between products that are mentioned in editorial and those that are in the advertisements?

• Thinking beyond magazines, what are some other ways that we build up prom in our culture? Do you think children's fairy tales like Cinderella, or even more modern princesses, like Dora the Explorer, are also responsible for building expectations? What are some other ways girls are encouraged to fantasize about being the belle of the ball?

(Parents for more help dealing with prom, check out another fave sister site, Daughters.org for some tips.)

More Info >
RESPECT Chapter 4: Your Media IQ

What's your plan for prom? How will you keep the respect booming? OR tell us your past prom horror story and what you would do differently now. First five commenters WIN a free RESPECT baby-T.

Comments (0) | by Courtney on April 25

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