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I had a boyfriend and he kept ignoring me so I broke up with him. He was really upset and wouldn't talk to anyone so I wrote him a note telling him I am sorry and that I still want to be his friend. He said that he never wanted to talk to me again and that this is the end of our relationship. What should I do?

Rx: First off, you respected yourself by calling things off because the relationship didn't feel good to you. It sounds like your ex-BF was being cold to you *before* you broke up with him, right? So it seems like after the breakup, he's just doing more of the same.

Here's the thing: If he didn't show you tons of care and support before, he probably isn't going to now. That's his problem and is not about you or about how awesome, smart, interesting, caring or inside-and-out beauteous you are. He might have a hard time expressing his true feelings or knowing how to be a great friend. But it's not your job to shape him into a great communicator or caring BF. If you told him how you felt, asked him to stop ignoring you, and he still didn't treat you how you want to be treated, (past or present) then it sounds like you made a really good decision.

So how can you accept your self-respecting decision and move on to greater things? Try these steps:

1. Respect his boundaries. Know that when and if he's ready to be a *respectful* friend to you, he'll reach out. To stay true to yourself, continue to be kind to him from a distance (like don't talk bad about him or spread rumors or start drama if he starts dating someone else).

2. Respect yours, too. Next, think about how you can stick to your boundaries for how you want to be treated in a relationship. Like: I want to go out with a guy who is a good friend to me, who listens to my feelings, and who I can have a good time with. I don't want to date people who treat me like (fill in the blank).

3. Heart/hug you. Even though I know on some level you still want him to be nice to you and acknowledge you (right?) sometimes people can't give us what we want. So ask yourself, how can I give *myself* what I wanted from that relationship? Can you:
...tell yourself you matter?
...tell yourself what is special about you?
...listen to you?
...encourage you to do the things you love or to try new things?
...make new friends who will like you for you and would NEVER ignore you?
...go out and have fun by yourself or with friends or family?
…say "I love you, girl" to yourself and mean it?

4. Branch out. Spend time doing things you love and that build your confidence. Hang with your friends and make it a point *not* to talk about him. Go on long walks and think about (or write in your journal about) who you are and who you want to be. Come up with ideas and goals for how you want to be an amazing respect role model for other girls. Think about how you want to spend your time each day and how you can spend it making yourself proud of YOU!

5. Dig deeper. It will also help to think about why you want a BF in the first place. And check out RESPECT, Chapter 7: Relationships. There is a section devoted to breakups and what to do for yourself after you make a tough decision to end it.

xoxox

Comments (0) | by Courtney on May 17

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