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I have not had a long-term boyfriend. All of my friends have. I just want someone to hold me and be with me. I love that feeling that you get from a boy who cares about and wants to be with you (I have never really gotten that but I want it). I have a friend who always has boys around her and it hurts me because I'm with her all the time. No one pays attention to me. It makes me feel like crying.

Rx: I've so been there! You want to be noticed and loved and you don't want to be left out. There's nothing wrong with that. The question is, how can you get what you really need?

There is this thing called "validation" and we all need it. When you're validated, it's like 100% confirmation that you matter and mean something to the world. Hey, I'm the first to admit that I used to look to guys (or how they looked at me) to get validated. But to be honest, getting attention from boys—or being hooked up with one—never filled that empty space in my heart.

Even though many of us LOVE, LOVE boys, to feel really special as a girl, it has nothing to do with guys (though we're often sold that in love stories, right?). Feeling like the queens we are has nothing to do with boys' reactions to us or being "chosen" or being in a relationship. Feeling loveable has *everything* to do with you. (This is really good news!!!)

The secret to always feeling loveable is to love the one you're with (you!). This will get you through those dark moments when you feel like crying (oh, sweetie!), or when you feel like your friend is the flava of the year.

The real secret to self-respect and feeling cared about is giving yourself what you need.

When no one is paying attention to you, know that you deserve some extra TLC. Can your mom or dad take you to lunch? Can your big sis or aunt go to the beach with you so you can catch up? Can your girls cheer you on as you do something you love or try something new? Can your BFF listen whole-heartedly as you tell her what you just told me? This is the kind of yummy attention you can eat up and that fills you up for life (vs. a guy's fleeting attention when you're feeling lonely).

I know you're an amazing girl because you're here on planet Earth! So for right now, spend some time discovering all your hidden talents, passions, opinions and what you have to offer the world. This will boost your confidence and make you stronger. And interestingly enough, passionate self-respecting people are really attractive. All kinds of people will be drawn to you and want to know you better. They will know there "is just something about that girl!" And it will be your radiant-self-respecting-girl-on-a-mission vibe.

Now, don't get me wrong. I know you're at a natural point in life when we girls start to like/love/crush on people (sometimes around the clock). Our brain can feel like it's drenched in Love Potion No. 9. It seems like nothing matters but finding a BF/GF or talking about finding a BF/GF or crying over breaking up with a BF/GF.

Still, if you go looking for attention when your self-respect is low, you often get the opposite: sucky attention. You're more easily hurt. People might use you. You're more likely to go against your boundaries to please someone. You might get physical before you're ready because you're desperate for someone to care about you.

But when your self-respect is booming, and you meet a really cool self-respecting guy (they're out there!), it won't be like that. You'll get to know each other super well. You'll care about each other. You'll honor each other's boundaries. You won't stomp on each other's feelings. You'll admire, trust and respect each other. You won't turn to each other for attention that's missing in your life, but to have FUN and FRIENDSHIP.

I want your life to be rich, totally blinged out from top to bottom. So when you're feeling down, don't settle for cheap attention. Invest in your self-respect and give yourself the real thing: True l-o-v-e for y-o-u.

Real Girl Serar can totally relate and has this to add: I was the same way once. I was craving a boyfriend. Then I realized that I'm going to have the rest of my life to find that someone.

When were 15 (like you), we you should be working on who we want to be, what we want to do, and just focusing on ourselves as a whole. It might seem hard, especially with your friend getting attention. But remember one thing: If you are your own person, and don't care what anyone thinks of you, people will respect you for it. And people will also start to notice you.

Boys are something definitely not worth crying over. Trust me, I’ve had my share. I just had to break up with this guy who I really, really liked because it was getting too serious. The whole time I was thinking, I’m too young for this kind of commitment. And I still believe that I did the right thing. Girls at our age are more mature than boys, and want different things from a relationship. You can’t always trust that just because a guy wants to be with you that he loves you and that you'll feel better about yourself. It doesn't usually work that way.

For right now, don’t worry about finding a guy that will like you. Once you like yourself for who you really are, everyone else—including boys—will do the same.

More Info >
RESPECT Chapter 7: Relationships

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