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The media and parents alike have, ugh, caught on to the fact that teens are hanging out (and often letting it all hang out) on community sites like MySpace.

Rx: For the parents out there, honestly, MySpace is really nothing new. The same way teens use chat rooms, IM, email groups or message boards, they congregate on MS to talk and make new friends. This used to be called: AOL. I actually have my own space on MySpace (even my BFF from second grade found me on MS!). So MySpace does offer what sites like Classmates, don’t—a *free* casual place to host your public blog/diary, stay in touch with friends and, if you're in a band, to promote your latest CD to fans.

Teens say they like MySpace because it's raw and undercover—in the technical sense. They can tweak their pages by swapping secret html tips. And there's not a major polished, commercial wrapper around "their space" (though that's changing everyday). But a MS profile is no different than the other blank canvases they personalize—from their worn metal locker doors to bedroom walls and binder covers. And, let's face it, until about two months ago most parents had no clue about MySpace (so hot). If MS loses its cache with teens (as some are predicting) those heading to college will no doubt relocate their digital dorm rooms to places like Facebook.

Still it's true that it's really easy on MySpace (and other sites like it) to get caught up in disrespect dilemmas. Girls especially want to get ranked "hot" and put up racy photos that can help them stand out. Like they do elsewhere online, sexual predators are trolling MS to meet and harm minors. And like they do elsewhere, some teens are using MS to harass each other. Like spreading rumors in their blogs or posting nasty comments on each other's pages.

So here's some advice for teens and parents when it comes to navigating the wild world of social networking sites:

TEENS, if I were you, here's what I would do to have fun on MS without losing your self-respect:

Honor thy-fabulous-self. If you respect yourself you don't degraded yourself or sell yourself cheap for attention. So think about not putting anything on MS that you don't want to haunt you. You will make your mark in life, but how do you want to do it? Do you want to carry yourself like someone who will be written about in the noble history books someday, or someone who will be ridiculed on E! Hollywood True Story?

Here's the deal: If you wouldn't walk around school topless, maybe you shouldn't go full frontal or bare all on the Internet. If you wouldn't talk like a foul-mouthed sailor in the flesh, maybe you should use some restraint online. And if you want people to like you for you (even though you might still be figuring out who that is) don't front on MS like you're a porn star, criminal or pimp. Even if you're just playing, that disrespectful representation of the one-and-only-you is connected to your name and picture. Once this stuff is online, it can stick around (and to you) 4-EVER!

Protect your ID. OK, so while I want you to always be yourself, please don't expose yourself on the Net—in some cases you should be mysterious. This means, keep your lips sealed about your home address, phone number, and other details that could help creepy and dangerous people track you down in person. Think about setting your privacy settings to only allow people who you REALLY know to contact you on MS or make it so you have to approve new Friends.

Don't cross the line. If you've got a beef with a friend or someone from school, be real and talk to them about it in person (try this). Don't take up your issue or feud on your MS profile, or by bashing people in comments on their profile. It only increases the drama, makes it hard to take back when you cool off. And threatening people online—it's documented!—ups your chances of getting busted for crossing a line (remember, parents, teachers and cops can read MS, too!) If you want your parents (a.k.a. your Internet service providers) to trust you online, let them know that you read MS's safety tips and won't abuse the system (Umm, I think this proactive effort on your part will impress them—I mean if you can handle the Internet, what about that driver's license test?)

PARENTS, I don't blame you for being a bit freaked by sites like MS (and the thought of your kid being exposed in disrespectful ways). Here are some tips for giving your kids their space, while keeping them safe:

Get a tour. Check out MS FAQ for parents. Then ask your kids to give you a tour of MySpace so you know how it works and how they're using it. If they actually agree to show you around, then I suggest being super cool and not viewing their personal MS profile without permission or searching for it behind their backs (which could feel to them like reading their journal). If they let you see their profile, they are including you in their life (like that Net access you provide them, it's quite the privilege so appreciate it!).

Set some boundaries. Talk to them about respecting other people and your policy for how they should behave online—after all you pay the ISP bill. Go over some general safety tips (check out wiredsafety.org). If they break the rules, let them know what will happen (just like you'd do if they abused your car or home.). I talk to teens non-stop and they admit that when their parents set boundaries, deep down they do feel cared about (even if at the same time they are PO'd about the limits.) Also talk with them about how to resolve conflicts honestly and in-person (vs. blowing up anonymously online)—this is a skill they need in general.

Build the trust, explain choices. I guess you can add MS to the 1 million other ways your kid can make or break your trust, right? Think about how respectful the communication is under your roof right now. Have you set the stage for them to respect your computer-usage rules? You could also put some parental tech controls in place if you're super concerned, like software that blocks them from giving out their home address. However, where there's a will there's a way and they will get around these blocks (I live at too ate won fore mane streat) or they can always access MS from a friend's house. So try building overall (mutual respect). Show them how respectful negotiation works and how to make smart choices (Like what kinds of pics would it be OK for them to post on MS? What should they consider before they post something? Should they let strangers add them as "friends" or only people they know?) The bottom line: If your kid has proven they can be trusted, apply the same parental-sniff-tests to MS.

Encourage face-time. It's not OK to do any one thing 24/7 (except breathe!). So encourage your kids to have an offline social life so they can have more balance, more fun, and know what it's like to be liked for more than their snappy MySpace profile. Seeing friends in person is a good thing. A life where the only laughter comes in the form of "LOL" and causes RSI by age 18 is a bad thing. If you don't like how your kids are spending their time online, expose them to offline activities like volunteering, travel, political action, or after-school orgs that build skills and self-respect.

Trust your gut. My young friends will hate me for saying this, but consider putting your home computer in your space. Don't worry, kids still know how to engineer some privacy (POS=parent over shoulder). But if they are being harassed, pursued by a creep, or touching up a nude photo of themselves, well, you'll catch a glimpse of what's happening. Ask your kids to come to you whenever they feel threatened—including online. Let them know that you're not going to freak out or cause a scene but that you want them to feel safe and that you're on their side. If you think something abusive or illegal is going down, talk to them about it and report it to MS, your ISP and the cops.

Comments (0) | by Courtney on October 10

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