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I really like gym class but the boys are too competitive and nasty that I get nervous when we play games. How can I tell them to stop acting like that?

Rx: I just had a flashback to the fat lip I got in Little League, when one of my teammates (all guys) was so amped up he threw a ball right at my face to try and get me out at first base. We were in T-ball, people! It was an accident. Still, I admit I didn't sign up for baseball again. But I don't want you to settle for sitting on the bench.

Sure, the guys might be pushing you too hard, or leaving you out, because they're *into* it a bit too much. Or it could be something deeper. Did they learn that guys are athletes and girls should limit their involvement to cheering from the stands? Well we all watch the Olympics, so we know that's just an old-school (and sexist) way of thinking. Girls got game. And studies show that girls who play sports—even just for fun—have more self-respect and confidence.

Remember, you're entitled to a fair and equal education and you have a right to get yours in gym class and in school sports programs. Try these tactics to talk it out:

Tactic No. 1: Try speaking up so gym class will be fair game for all. If you feel comfortable, ask the guys directly to tone it down and tell them what you want without yelling, like "Hey, can you guys pass the ball. We want to play too." Or GBF suggests approaching the least aggressive guy who will hear you out (when you want to make changes, it's important to gather allies). Be calm and assertive and tell him what you see going on, how's it making you and the others feel, and ask him if he will back you up in getting the guys to give you and your friends equal time on the clock.

Tactic No. 2: Sometimes athletes only like to play with people who are at their level—or better—so they can improve. At the same time, people love teaching other people how to do stuff because it makes them feel smart and appreciated. Is it possible, to ask the guys to help you build your skills and confidence on the court? Like if you're intimidated because they've all played sport X since kindergarten and you're just starting out, maybe you can ask them show you some moves so you feel more comfortable getting in the mix. If they mentor you, they'll be more likely to include you and less likely to give you hard time at game time. (I'm not suggesting you bat your eyes and act helpless to get their attention, or that if you already know your stuff to pretend you don't.) Getting help is a Respect Basic. Ask for what you need.

Tactic No. 3: If you tried to ask the guys to take it down a notch and they laughed it off, talk to your gym teacher about what's going on. Along with other girls, set up a meeting with the teacher. Let him/her know that you want to improve your skills and have fun but the guys are intimidating you. Your gym teacher should help you level the playing field and set some new ground rules so everyone can participate without getting steam-rolled. If the gym teacher doesn't back you up, go to the next level: talk to your principal or Title IX coordinator (get the scoop on Title IX here).

I can't tell by your question, but if the guys are calling you names that could be sexual harassment. Or if your school isn't supporting girls' sports at the same level as guys' sports that could be a Title IX violation. When SH is going down, I don't want any girl to ignore (then it just spreads like wild fire burning down girls' self-respect and potential). Report the SH by taking these steps.

Comments (0) | by Courtney on February 20

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