Respect Rx - All This and Brains Too

Hey sistahs! I'm co-author of the best-selling book for teen girls RESPECT. Respect Rx, is my blog for girls, parents, teachers and women. Get the scoop on building self-respect, sisterhood and social change! I also offer workshops and assemblies nationwide. Remember: True respect starts on the inside!

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All Made Up: A Girl's Guide to Seeing Through Celebrity Hype and Celebrating Real Beauty by Audrey D. Brashich. A former teen model and magazine writer blows the lid of all that smoke that's been blown up our you-know-whats about what is "beautiful" (and what isn't). She talks about what she's learned about real beauty, how to take back the media, and so-called It Girls (Can you say: Paris Hilton or Linsday Lohan?).
The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids by Dr. Madeline Levine. Find out why some rich kids feel really broke inside. Tips for howparents can be involved while encouraging their kids to be autonomous and to discover their true selves.
Do I Look Fat In This: Life Doesn't Begin Five Pounds from Now by Jessica Weiner. Find out what it really means when we say "I feel fat!" This is a practical (and fun to read) guide that will help you learn to love the skin you're in!
The Real Truth About Teens and Sex by Sabrina Weill. A top editor at major teen magazines for more than a decade, Sabrina talked to thousands of teens about their questions, fears, concerns, and what really goes on at parties, at school, before parents get home from work, online and elsewhere. Plus, parents can learn how they can better support their kids in making good choices.
The Body Project by Joan Jacobs Brumberg. Starting with a statistic that 53 percent of girls are dissatisfied with their bodies, this book looks at the "why?" Brumberg combs through girls' diaries dating from 1830 to the present day and explains why now more than ever girls' main projects are their bodies.
101 Ways to Help Your Daughter Love Her Body by Brenda Lane Richardson and Elane Rehr. Solid advice for parents to help girls build body respect.
Dads and Daughters by Joe Kelly. If your dad isn't spending enough time with you or you just aren't relating, or if you're a dad who wants to help your daughter become strong and confidant, you'll both appreciate this book.
Branded: The Buying and Selling of Teenagers by Alissa Quart. How companies bombard teens with marketing that "saps them of individuality and imagination" to get them to not only buy products, but be products.
GLBTQ: The Survival Guide for Queer and Questioning Teens by Kelly Huegel. Advice, true stories and resources for exploring gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender relationships, dating, and more.
Deal With It! A Whole New Approach to Body, Brain, and Life as a Gurl by Esther Drill, et al. The ultimate guide for all things girls have to deal with, from understanding feelings to sex and how your body is changing. It'll suck you in because it's so cool, straightforward and real. And because it has tons of resource listings and illustrations.
The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf. Journalist Naomi Wolf argues that women's insecurities are made worse and then exploited by the cosmetic, diet and plastic surgery industries. And then girls spend all their time obsessing over their looks instead of other important issues, like self-respect.
Don't Give It Away! by Iyanla Vanzant. Ms. Iyanla (a life coach on TV's Starting Over) was a teen mom and high school dropout, and she went through a lot of family traumas and abuse as a child. But today she's helping young women find and keep their power. Girls, learn how to express your thoughts and feelings about what matters to you, and the secrets to loving your oh-so-lovable self from one of the greatest respect role models ever!
33 Things Every Girl Should Know About Women's History edited by Tonya Bolden. Find out how revolutionary women fought for equal rights so you can, too.
Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou. Four inspirational and empowering poems about loving the female form.
Perfectionism: What's Bad About Being Too Good? by Miriam Adderholdt & Jan Goldberg. How to figure out if you're a perfectionist, find a better balance so you can accept yourself (and body), and deal with your parents if they are pushing you to be perfect.
Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher. Published in 1994, this book is still relevant for its truthful look at the "girl-poisoning" culture that can turn independent-spirited young girls into struggling teens who have low self-worth.
Revolution from Within by Gloria Steinem. Feminist icon Steinem writes about self-worth, the importance of unlearning unhealthy beliefs, knowing the difference between romance and love, and so much more. It's written for women, but girls can handle her straightforward, mature tone--no problem.
Schoolgirls by Peggy Orenstein. Inspired by a national study that shows girls' self-esteem plummeting as they reach adolescence, this book goes inside two different schools in northern California where girls struggle for equal educations, assertiveness and confidence.
Odd Girl Speaks Out by Rachel Simmons. Poems, songs, confessions and essays from girls about in-fighting among girls and how to stop it.
Grassroots: A Field Guide for Feminist Activism by Jennifer Baumgardner & Amy Richards. Learn how to move beyond activism, like donating money and writing to politicians, and how to make a far-reaching impact by organizing your friends, your community and yourself!
To Be Real: Telling the Truth and Changing the Face of Feminism edited by Rebecca Walker. With essays by men and women, this is an exploration of modern-day feminism and its impact on everyday life and the future.
What Are My Rights? by Thomas A. Jacobs. Helps teens answer 95 legal questions about laws related to family, school, workplace, growing up and more.
When Nothing Matters Anymore: A Survival Guide for Depressed Teens by Bev Cobain. A book for teens on how to recognize depression, get help and stay well.

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Friends + Sisterhood, Self-Respect, Women

All This and Brains Too

A growing number of young women today are in a constant identity struggle to be viewed as both the hot, desired girl as well as the successful, independent woman, according to a recent study conducted in the U.S. and Canada by global market-research firm Synovate.

Rx: This is exactly what girls told us when we were writing RESPECT, and a struggle we point to again and again in the book. Girls are told they can be anything they want to be. BUT to be “successful” “liked” “wanted” they are also given constant prescriptions about how to package themselves (mostly as objects of desire and the picture of perfection). This mixed message—expectation—does one thing: It distracts young women from living a passion-filled life and reaching their true potential. Am I right, girls?

This latest study of women aged 16 to 25 found they are stressing about the following stuff:

70% said they are not happy with their body.

38% said that they would get plastic surgery if they had the money.

61% said that their biggest fear is not finding a career they love.

69% feel it is important that they make a lot of money when they are older.

39% believe they are growing up too fast.

The report goes on to say:

The need to be attractive through external reinforcement from peers and society is in constant struggle with the need to feel competent and independent through self/internal reinforcement.

Surprisingly, being young doesn't have the same appeal to these women as it used to. The high levels of stress young women are facing in their twenties is causing the majority of them to actually look forward to their thirties in the hopes that they will have what they want out of life by then.

This intense need to live a perfect life can also destroy their ability to accept failure.

I find it promising that some young women look forward to being 30-something and hopefully being old enough to know better. So what do we want young women to know? And what do we big sisters need to show? I say this:

* Organizing your entire life, thoughts, spending, goals, and dreams around maintaining a certain body or beauty ideal weakens girl power. As investments go, over time this strategy will leave you feeling bankrupt and ripped off.

* Real fulfillment comes from: Caring about yourself. Appreciating your uniqueness. Respecting your needs. Exploring your passions. Helping others. Contributing. Questioning anything that doesn’t feel right. Believing in and supporting other women. Learning from rejection and mistakes and moving on. Not seeing yourself as above or below anyone else. Knowing you’re here, you’re special, and you’re in charge of your experience and choices. Doing what you know you should do.

* Getting help is a good thing. When you’re worried about the future, how to succeed, or are struggling with your body image and self-care—ask for help. Talk to a big sister, mentor, mom, aunt, boss, teacher. Call a hotline if you’re really hurting. We’ve all been there. Nobody does this life thing alone. The key to success for any woman? Full-tilt sisterhood.

* Tell the truth. To compete with each other is to lie to each other. We keep up false impressions. We hide who we really are. We buy things we can’t afford. We act smarter than each other. We pretend we don’t bleed. For girls and women to reach their potential, we need to be free to be who we really are. We need to be OK with not being perfect and not being 100% together all the time. Instead of making each other feel inadequate (subtly or not), let’s show and tell each other the REAL truth: We all have what we need on the inside—creativity, love, resourcefulness, strength, peace, confidence, empathy, super-sonic intelligence, and a mission in life. Trust me, it’s true.

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