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After talking to a few women lately about how to ask for better pay or how to tell their partners their truth about one thing or another—it got me thinking about my latest post for women.

The question is: Do you ask you for what you *really* want?

I don't mean: "I'll have a turkey sandwich, hold the mayo." Or snapping at your partner: "Can you please take out the trash?" I mean when it comes to your dreams, rights, needs, or those perpetual boundary-crossers in your life—do you ask for what you want?

I think the difference between having booming self-respect, versus being resentful/off-track/held back or standing for disrespect in your life, often comes down to what you ask for. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a call for the demanding divas of the world to unite and for the claws to come out. There's a lot of confusion among girls and women right now between what it means to ask for what you want, and being high-maintenance (Thanks J-Lo, Paris and The Real Housewives of Orange County!).

To ask for want you want is to say: You're worthy and you know your worth. You are not invisible. You know who you are and you are oh-so-special (like everyone else on the planet). You have a mission in life to fulfill (so outta your way, already). You don't need someone else to tell you this stuff—you get it—but still, you have some requests from time to time. And you just have to ask...

I'm trying to appeal to the always-nice girl in you who feels like a constant imposter or just lucky to get a bone (or second-hand bone chip): Yes, she needs to ask for what she wants. Here's where I'll get a bit daytime-TV on you. But truly, you need to look at the woman in the mirror ask yourself:

• What is my vision for my life?
• What is my passion-purpose?
• What really matters to me?
• What's missing from my life?
• What do I WANT?
• OK, so who's standing in my way? (I think you know her…)

When you're faced with an opportunity or a spot on that team or a chance to grab that brass ring or a big fat risk that's worth the reward or the option just to make yourself uncontrollably happy, are you going to settle for: What does [insert that biting voice in your head that says you're not good enough] think I deserve?

Oh, I hope you won't listen to that naysayer. She NEVER gets what she wants.

Instead, ask for what you want. Ask yourself for all those juicy little things you ever wanted. Ask for full-blown permission to be yourself. Ask for all those giganctico dreams you want to live out. Ask yourself to love your body and whole entire you. ASK. And say YES.

Then please do branch out from there to asking for what you want (by way of support or changing your life and world for the better) from your loves, family, employer, Congresswoman, and fellow (wo)man...And if you ask, and the answer is No, go around the corner and ask someone else.

Even better, just say YES to yourself. The results/goodies/rewards/love/acknowledgement/respect you want will show up if your request is from the heart and harmless to others. In other words, you can sprinkle your own magic fairy dust on yourself. Just say Yes and ride off into the sunset already.

Asking for what I want has never failed me. But I have, at times, failed to ask. Have you?

What do want right now that you're not asking for? Or how do you ask for what you want? POST your comment below and enter to WIN a Respect T-shirt!

Comments (0) | by Courtney on April 15

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