about Respect Rx

Hey all! I'm Courtney Macavinta, co-author of the best-selling book for teen girls RESPECT and founder of Respect Rx, which is devoted to empowering girls, women and their advocates to boost self-respect, sisterhood and social change in their lives—and our world.
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Sex, Women

He Used Me For Sex

Dilemma

I dated a guy for about 8 months. When he was over the sex, he basically dumped me. He never wanted to commit to being my boyfriend either, but was happy to hook up. He moved on like a week later to another woman and even tried to push me off on his friend. I thought he would never disrespect me like he did and that's why it hurts. ~Simone, 20

Rx: Of course it hurts. (Uh, that part about pushing you on his friend is particularly shady). I would feel bad in this scenario too—and have been there believe me! So give yourself space to work through feeling let down. If you can swing it to stay solo during this time that will probably give you even more clarity. Then try these steps:

No. 1: Think about what respect means to you. And that means thinking about your Respect Relationship Rules. Complete these sentences:
• Disrespectful behavior in a relationship includes...
• I show respect for my BF/GF by...
• Being in a relationship gives me...
• Some deal-breakers and boundaries for me are...
• Before I get naked:) with someone, I want...

You get the picture! And don't include the word "don't" in the list. Just stick to what you want.

No. 2: Make it all about you. Relationships aren't just about making it work with someone. It's about what you bring to the table too. So focus on you. Especially when you're recovering from a less-than-stellar relationship. Now write your big "wants." What kind of life are you going for here? What kind of woman do you want to be? What is the secret to your true fulfillment? Nothing is too big to make the list. Write at least 10 wants. Make it 20 if you want to get yourself really fired up.
• I want to...

No. 3: Take action one step at a time. Now pick at least one want, and write one action you can do in the next week to move it forward. Pick a new want each week and keep the threads going on the ones you've kick-started. Notice if you haven't been going after your big wants when you were dealing with Mr. Disrespect-o. It's so easy to get focused on someone else and not ourselves. The bottom line: Invest spending your time in doing positive things for yourself. Look at that "want" list and then put your energies into that stuff. It's OK if attracting Mr. "Respects Me Big Time" is on the list too. I hope he is!

The stronger and more self-respecting we get, the healthier our relationships get. The interesting—Self-RESPECTING—people will follow and fit into to our life where it makes sense. It's all about doing our THING so the world can be a better place because we are blossoming (in a good way!) one day at a time. And when it comes to adding more respect to your sex life, also check out these 7 questions. (They're written to girls but they can work for us too!)

 

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<< Previous: Girls and Sexual Harassment | Next:RESPECT Book Clubs >>