Respect Rx - Women

Your Last Lecture (Essay Contest!)

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 20:37:13 +0000

When I was 15 and hating on myself and defiling myself and barfing and blacking out on the weekends—AND also having lots of fun and being free (ah the paradox)—I couldn't picture the future. The good news: I was in the "now." The bad news: My "now" was frequently hanging out in the disrespect zone. I couldn't picture who I'd be in 5 years—let alone in 5 months. I wasn't strongly attached to a vision or dream for myself. So that meant I was lost and losing myself.

And when I did meet and pursue my first big dream (going to college to become a journalist), self-respect started to bloom. And so did I. And now the world is better for it. And I can say that about myself and you should too. I say own your power because there is too much we are powerless over in the meantime.

I think when we can have a little meet and greet with our future self (who we'd like to be and already are deep inside) we can reveal our passions. Which helps us see what's important to us. Which can trigger our goals. Which allows us to move forward to create the life we want and fulfill our many callings. And it's fun.

Here's where I'm going with this (VIDEO follows!)...

Yep, You're a Leader

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 21:24:18 +0000

I've been working on two major leadership thing-ies:

1. The Girl Scouts USA uniquely ME! Leadership Institute (which I'm facilitating July 7-11 in Atlanta). I've been reading through the girls' applications. And, well, if you want to have a good cry while your heart fills with hope and admiration for your fellow girls (and our future leaders), come on over to my house and have a read!

2. Respect Rx. We're taking steps every day, every minute to create powerful event programs and trainings for girls and women and their advocates. We're growing rapidly thanks to the Jens* and other amazing women like our new accounting guru who doubles as a passionate high school music teacher. And thanks to my coach Sharna Fey. And thanks to the supportive coaches I train with at The Coaches Training Institute. This leadership stuff takes a village, people! As it should.

It got me thinking about what kind of leader do I want to be? What kinda leader am I already? I believe we all lead. The question is: What are we leading ourselves and others toward?

He Used Me For Sex

Tue, 27 May 2008 19:49:27 +0000

Rx: Of course it hurts. (Uh, that part about pushing you on his friend is particularly shady). I would feel bad in this scenario too—and have been there believe me! So give yourself space to work through feeling let down. If you can swing it to stay solo during this time that will probably give you even more clarity. Then try these steps:

Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 04:47:07 +0000

My friend and body image expert Jess Weiner reminded me that Feb. 24 starts National Eating Disorders Awareness Week so I'm *finally* posting about one of my favorite books of 2007. Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: The Frightening New Normalcy of Hating Your Body by Courtney E. Martin. This book is required reading for girls and those who care about girls and all the women who were girls once:). Here Courtney and I talk about the book and the "new normal" that we can work to change for girls and for ourselves:

My Husband Puts Me Down

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 05:00:27 +0000

Rx: First, the good news: You already know you deserve better which is a Respect Basic. You know that what your husband is doing is disrespectful and you know your self-respect is on the line. Here are some steps you can take to speak up and make some changes:

All This and Brains Too

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 14:52:07 +0000

Rx: This is exactly what girls told us when we were writing RESPECT, and a struggle we point to again and again in the book. Girls are told they can be anything they want to be. BUT to be “successful” “liked” “wanted” they are also given constant prescriptions about how to package themselves (mostly as objects of desire and the picture of perfection). This mixed message—expectation—does one thing: It distracts young women from living a passion-filled life and reaching their true potential. Am I right, girls?

This latest study of women aged 16 to 25 found they are stressing about the following stuff:

70% said they are not happy with their body.

38% said that they would get plastic surgery if they had the money.

61% said that their biggest fear is not finding a career they love.

69% feel it is important that they make a lot of money when they are older.

39% believe they are growing up too fast.

The report goes on to say:

The need to be attractive through external reinforcement from peers and society is in constant struggle with the need to feel competent and independent through self/internal reinforcement.

Surprisingly, being young doesn't have the same appeal to these women as it used to. The high levels of stress young women are facing in their twenties is causing the majority of them to actually look forward to their thirties in the hopes that they will have what they want out of life by then.

This intense need to live a perfect life can also destroy their ability to accept failure.

I find it promising that some young women look forward to being 30-something and hopefully being old enough to know better. So what do we want young women to know? And what do we big sisters need to show? I say this:

Do You Ask For What You Want?

Sat, 15 Apr 2006 00:30:24 +0000

After talking to a few women lately about how to ask for better pay or how to tell their partners their truth about one thing or another—it got me thinking about my latest post for women.

The question is: Do you ask you for what you *really* want?

I don't mean: "I'll have a turkey sandwich, hold the mayo." Or snapping at your partner: "Can you please take out the trash?" I mean when it comes to your dreams, rights, needs, or those perpetual boundary-crossers in your life—do you ask for what you want?

Jessica Weiner

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 08:00:06 +0000

Hey everyone it's Fat-Free Friday! As we cap off National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, take action by trying to stop speaking in the Language of Fat. Jessica Weiner, a NEDA ambassador and the author of Do I Look Fat in This?, says this means saying NO to:

• calling yourself or others fat.
• thinking in terms of weight, diet, food and fat.
• idealizing unrealistic imagery in the media.
• saying "Do I look fat In this?"

Read my interview with Jess and find how to WIN a free copy of her book here:

Do I Look Fat in This?

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 09:19:28 +0000

Back in the day, I frantically cut off the bottoms of my knee socks to fashion myself some homemade leg warmers so that I could try to lose weight doing one of those morning workout shows. I "felt" fat and like I needed to get rid of my affliction. My poor mom, she was afflicted too. Like other women, she was on the cabbage soup diet or NutriSystem or these B-12 shots her doctor used to give her to go with her boiled chicken breasts. And like many young women marinating in this don't-eat-or-be-eaten culture, I started using the number on the scale as the main yardstick to measure whether I was worth a damn. The thing is, when I say young woman, I mean I was pretty young—a third-grade student to be exact.

This is the kind of story National Eating Disorders Awareness Week aims to help girls and women rewrite. And my friend Jessica Weiner, an ambassador for NEDA, offers a place for us to start in her new book, Do I Look Fat in This?

The F-Word

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 02:55:10 +0000

This might feel impossible to believe sometimes, but when people have disrespected you—even in the worst way—you still have tons of power. Why? Because respect is always within reach because true respect starts on the inside. You also have the power to use the F-word.

Your Rights

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 18:58:31 +0000

Here's something I learned and live to tell you: Respect is your birthright! It's connected to everything from how you treat yourself, to the choices you make, to who you are and will become. And no matter what you're going through—like dealing with your feelings and body image, family, friends, BFs/GFs, and disrespect dilemmas like sexual harassment or abuse—respect is always the remedy. So how do you get the respect you deserve? It starts by knowing your rights.