Respect Rx

Respect Rx & Courtney's Twitter Updates!

2009-06-05T17:26:21Z

Feed below or go here:
http://twitter.com/respectrx

3 Books I Want You to Read

2009-05-28T20:01:26Z

Here are 3 books I love and why:

The Female Brain
Rx: Learn what what makes you tick and find out that you're not a freak—you just have a female brain. I love the chapters on teen brain (been there) and mommy brain (stay tuned!).

The Bigger Game: Why Playing a Bigger Game Designs Who You Want to Become
Rx: This book was co-authored by one of my teachers and mentors, Caroline MacNeill Hall. It shows you how to actually play bigger, be your amazing self and make the impact you want to make in this word.

The Art of Power
Rx: I'm reading this for the third time. Learn how to lead from the heart and with mindfulness of your power. If all leaders—whether you lead at home, on your street or on the global stage—followed these principals, our world would not be a mess but thriving.

Self-Care: The S.T.O.P. Theory!

2009-05-08T17:30:51Z

Oh, self-care. For many of us that term means "me time." You know: spa days, a good book, bubble baths, yoga, and all that jazz. Self-care is often a list in a magazine of things to surround yourself with that tend to smell fruity or can come down to a swipe of a credit card at the mall.

Now, more than ever, self-care needs to mean so much more. Self-care is actually the ultimate form of self-respect. Maybe it can even save the world? Stay with me...

Because here's the thing I don't always want to admit: When my self-care sucks, my integrity wanes. I cancel on you at the last-minute. I show up half-hearted. I'm more cranky and close-minded. I don't pay attention. I make more messes. I'm not as helpful. That one really sucks because my No. 1 goal in life is to be of service. So self-care is really that important for me. Or I actually get really off track in life. And I want my partners (professional and romantic) to up their self-care too—otherwise everything suffers. We're not fooling anyone (and neither are you).

For me, honest self-care doesn't mean cramming in 50 minutes at the gym in which the whole time I'm thinking about what I'll make for dinner and that the engine light is on in my car and that she had some nerve. So if it's not just about bubble baths and hitting the gym, what does this "self-care" stuff mean?

One of the definitions of care is: "watchful attention." I love this definition. This is where I smell the world-changing potential of real self-care. To this end, I've broken self-care down into a totally scientific process I call S.T.O.P. Try it!

]]> S is for savor...

I can talk fast, connect the dots fast, eat fast, and launch ideas and programs fast. There is nothing wrong with that. My impatience and speed can create positive change.

Savor, on the other hand, makes me think of gooey, homemade macaroni and cheese. Or breathing in salty sea air as the fog spritzes my face. Or lingering in a warm hug from my sweetie. Or letting it sink in when someone says something that really floors me at a Respect Rally (like an 11-year-old girl who said after a visualization that "her Future Self told her to respect herself today to reach her goals tomorrow." Mmmmm....)

Savor is a tantalizing way to say slow down. Do I really want to rush to the bank to check my balance anyway? Do I want to rush to another birthday? Do I want to learn all my lessons today and be bored out of mind for the next 50 years? No. Savor also means I notice that the other forces besides my bright ideas are at play in the universe. Hmmm.

Here's the even more challenging part, though. I'm even attempting to savor walking through my fires. Moving house, fixing busted pipes, using my resources wisely, finishing an intense training program, growing Respect Rx, dark moods, losing contracts, pitching new business, the ending of a 10-year relationship (i.e. divorce), paying taxes, conflicts in new relationships. Savor this stuff? It's worth a try. Because I want to learn my lessons real good to make room for new experiences. I also love that feeling when you look back and can say: I made it through. I was OK. I am OK.

What I've heard and learned: What you resist will just persist. I.e. you could get deadly heart disease eating tons of gooey, homemade macaroni and cheese you never even had the pleasure of tasting. Bummer.

For you:
• What do you want to savor right now?

T is for talk it out...

I wish someone would start Economy Anonymous or Freaked-Out Anonymous or Worst-Mood-Ever Anonymous. As someone who's greatly benefited from the world of "anons" I think we could all use safe spaces to talk stuff out as part of our self-care. And I don't mean just calling your BF and venting. Or supposed problem-solving with your partner at the end of a long day when you're maxed out.

I mean participating in a community where there is a "pact" about honest sharing and deep listening. Where you can say what you need to say; and hear what you need to hear. Whether it be your church, a conference call you set up with friends each week around a theme (my friends and I did this around money), or a support group that has a facilitator or counselor on hand. It's about leaning into others and being leaned on.

For you:
• What would make you feel less alone right now?
• What step will you take to create that support?

O is for opt-out...

This one is simple. Self-care means setting boundaries. Creating a little space around you. Freeing up time to do some "resentment-prevention" work (for me this is where bubble baths, reading, sleep, and running do come in). My sweetie offers this test: If you look at your cat and think he has the best life ever and you would sell your soul to trade places with him, it's time for more self-care of the opting-out flavor. You can also opt-out of "shoulds" that hound you or beliefs that aren't working for you anymore. Whatever it takes to take better care of you.

For you:
• What do you want to opt out of right now?

P is for pause...

When I'm about to intentionally hurl myself down some stairs (or push you down them!), whoa, it's time to pause. Hot-faced irritation and generally hating on myself or others to excess means I need to pause:). I'm a proponent of spreading respect after all—my rep is on the line here! That feeling that I don't want to do my beautiful, fulfilling work because it is feeling like too much "work" means I need to pause. Pausing could be simply asking myself: What do I need right now? Water? To pee? Oxygen anyone?

Pause doesn't mean to retire or not care. It means be where you're at. Or let some stuff marinate before you make the next move. Celebrate for goodness sake. Maybe you need to pause to shine your flashlight on an area of your life that needs more of that watchful attention. After I do a lot of fun, empowering work with people, I've learned to pause. The Google Calendar needs to be color-block free. Then I can resume regular programming with some presence. Savor and Pause are obviously good friends.

Most often, I need to pause before I attempt to go fast again. Because I like going fast. That's me. Fulfillment can't wait! So that's why for me P is for pause because I don't want to reach for another P instead—like Pull the Plug.

For you:
• Where do you need to pause?

Self-care has grown up for me. Bubble baths are nice, but too many dry out my skin:) or they are pointless if I'm just soaking in my worries. Self-care now means self-respect. And it requires daily recommitment. And some days I fail miserably. And that's just another time to S.T.O.P.

When I'm paying "watchful attention," it means I show myself through my actions that I'm a valuable resource. It means I have a healthy respect for what can really be accomplished in a day by this imperfect human being. At its simplest, self-care to me now means that I truly see, smell, chew, taste and give gratitude for my plate of gooey, homemade macaroni and cheese. And life.

For you:
• What would our world gain if you STOPped to take real care of you?
• And how would your world change?

Respect Rally for Dating and Domestic Violence Prevention

2009-05-06T02:03:30Z

If you've seen my story, then you know ending dating and domestic violence is a part of my big agenda. Chris Brown and Rihanna aren't the only ones who got caught in the cycle of violence:

1 in 5 teens who have been in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped or pushed by a partner...57% of U.S. teens have had a friend in an abusive relationship

You can now host a Respect Rally for teen girls and guys, as well as young adults, with a special focus on domestic violence prevention. In addition to our usual activities that focus on exploring and skill-building around The Respect Basics, this special Rally covers:
• the cycle of violence
• how to recognize the signs of an abusive relationship
• how to set boundaries and create mutually respectful relationships from the get-go

This is an empowering outcomes-based program to book during Domestic Violence Awareness Month this October. After attending a traditional Respect Rally, 500 teens surveyed showed the following notable shifts:

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• 98% understood the difference between respect and disrespect (up from 51% prior to attending the Rally).
• 94% said they feel more comfortable setting boundaries and speaking up (up from 70%).
• 73% understood how to create respect in their relationships (up from 39%).
• 81% said they will definitely get help when they were disrespected or if they need it to achieve their goals or create change (up from 42%).

Click here if you want to book a Rally focused on dating and domestic violence prevention.

And please check out the resources from the RESPECT Campaign by the Family Violence Prevention Fund, too.

Co-Ed, College & Guys Respect Rally

2009-05-06T01:44:16Z

Everyone needs respect--so we've finally branched out to create a co-ed Respect Rally and a Rally just for guys. Our team has gone co-ed too! For part of the co-ed Rally, young men and women work in their own Respect Pods. Then they come together to get real and work on mutual respect. After the Rally, you can use the 24 workshop sessions in our Respect Keep It Going! Kit to do just that--keep the respect going.

The Rally is now designed for those in:
-middle school (120 minutes)
-high school (4 hours)
-college (day-long retreat)

Book your Back-to-School Rally
Our schedule is filling up quick--so email us asap to discuss your Rally. We know many of your budgets are tight, but that's not going to stop us from spreading respect. We're working on a sliding scale (we can serve up to 1,000 participants with one Rally depending on adult volunteers.). And once we lead your Rally, we'll ideally want to train you to deliver it on your own next time.

Download the Co-Ed Rally Information Kit!

3 Out of 10 Teens Get Pregnant (Quiz!)

2009-05-05T02:48:18Z

If you don't want to get pregnant before you're ready, check out the 7 Seven Questions.

Oh, and this stuff isn't just for girls. If teen girls are getting pregnant, chances are, guys had something to do with it, right?

My tips: Get informed. Speak up about your boundaries. See your future (what do you really want?). Take the Respect Basics to get there.

Here's a quiz for you!

Girls' Rights Week!

2009-05-04T02:22:20Z

If all girls had their rights, how would the world be different? Girls Inc. is celebrating Girls' Rights Week. Check our the Girls' Bill of Rights, videos and more here!

Redefine "Real Beauty" and Win a $500 Scholarship

2009-04-30T00:37:35Z

Respect Rx friend and amazing inspiration Sejal Hathi is embodying her mission of "Girls Helping Girls" by giving away three $500 scholarships! Geared at girls 11 to 19 years old, the scholarships are being given away as part of the "Mirror, Mirror" art contest designed to empower girls to redefine real beauty. To enter, girls must submit a visual, written, or video piece that answers the question: "Who is the most beautiful woman to you?" Entries must be in by May 13! For more information, visit: www.sisters4peace.net/blog/sejal/win-college-scholarship-entering-our-art-contest

Liz Funk

2009-04-20T07:32:25Z

Advocate: Liz Funk, author of Supergirls Speak Out: Inside the Secret Crisis of Overachieving Girls
Websites: LizFunk.com
About: Liz is a freelance writer and college student living in New York City. Her book, “Supergirls Speak Out,” is an investigative look at the overwhelming pressure to be perfect that afflicts many young women in her generation.

]]> Respect Rx: What inspired you to get involved in girl advocacy?
Liz: I’ve always believed very strongly in feminism and women’s rights, and when I got into high school I found I was really interested in activism. I was constantly writing letters to the editor and opinion articles for local newspapers. I did some organizing with the National Organization for Women and Choice USA, and I really felt strongly about raising my voice and encouraging other young women to do so as well.

What strikes you as the most pressing issue facing girls today?
I think the most pressing issue facing young women today is one that’s scarcely discussed: Today’s young women have been raised without a sense of intrinsic worth. I think many girls aren’t conscious of the fact that they have real, genuine value that’s completely isolated from how they look or what people think of them or what they do. I think many young women are hurting inside because they don’t understand that they are valuable, and that’s a sensation that breeds a lot of the issues that are being talked about in the media, such as eating disorders and teens doing drugs, drinking too much coffee, not sleeping enough. They all stem from not having a sense of self value. I think this generation of young women who seek to do everything and please everyone and look effortlessly perfect are really working for this desire to be something more because they haven’t been taught that they’re good enough the way that they are.

How are you working to effect change?
I wrote “Supergirls Speak Out,” which is about something very close to my heart. My entire life, my friends have always been discussing why there’s so much pressure on young women, why they have an endless agenda of things to do. For the book, I interviewed almost 100 young women and I followed five specific girls in the summer and fall of 2007. I’m really hoping the message that gets across is that although the situation seems pretty dire now I think the conditions for young women will start to improve when we start to hold the media and society accountable for the very rigid female ideal they convey to girls.

If you could talk to yourself as a young girl, what would you say?
I think on the most basic level, I think I was very self-loathing as a teenager. I think I really needed to hear “you have real worth. You don’t need to change anything about yourself to make you you.” It was interesting to think about how two years ago when I was 17, I really thought that being tan and being blonde would be what made me a better me. Now that I’ve grown more, I sense that I was very sad. I’ve been working to adjust my own supergirl behaviors, and I think I could’ve used some sort of core-building self-esteem messages.

What advocacy accomplishment are you most proud of?
When I got the galleys of my book, it was amazing to have this copy in my hand and be like wow, I did this. And it might change something.

White House Council on Women and Girls

2009-03-12T18:12:26Z

Dear Mr. President:
Thank you for putting a stake in the ground for women and girls. If you need a RESPECT voice and POV on any issue, call us! We are not only talking with girl advocates everyday but we also talk with real girls. We'd love to help you expand the voices at the table beyond the beltway. Including, of course, listening to girls from all over the country share what they see, need and their amazing ideas to create change.

The No. 1 way girls say the feel respected: "When people listen to me." If there is a problem effecting girls, we know firsthand that girls hold the solutions. Just ask!

We're at your service,
Respect Rx

Chris Brown and Rihanna: It's Not Just Drama

2009-03-12T17:04:45Z

Dating violence is not spicy passion or drama. It's violence. Whether it's heated, mean words, threats, intimidation or a punch to the face. It's violence. And violence hurts the victim and abuser. And it creates a long line of hurt in our hearts, families and communities.

I've mentioned this before on Respect Rx: My first memory in life is of my mom getting a severe beating from my dad. Both my parents were victims of child abuse. Both were caught up in the cycle of violence for a very long time. It rocked our family and held everyone back in one way or another. (I talk about it here in this video.)

Domestic violence weakens us all. It's hard to know that it is happening some times and how to stop it. It comes up all the time when we are working with girls and women at Respect Rallies or retreats. 1 in 5 teens who have been in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped or pushed by a partner. That's why I want you all to at least know what the cycle of violence is.

The cycle of violence goes something like this:
Tension builds and the abuser is verbally abusive ->
The abuser explodes and beats you up or commits rape ->
They abuser say he/she feels bad, are sorry or even buys you presents ->
You are afraid to leave or beaten down emotionally and stay ->
It starts all over again…Kids who witness the violence may become abusers or victims too.

If you need help right now:
Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or check out their website.

Love is Not Abuse is another helpful site.

Also, please check out:
Pages 143-151 in RESPECT. We cover the whole range there and offer resources and journal exercises.

More tips and help:
Abuse, Violence, Self-Harm

Whether you are the victim or abuser, you need help. Please reach out. Including to me.

What Do You Want? New Coaching Telecourse

2009-03-11T22:55:14Z

Here are more details about our new 12-Week "What Do You Want?" Telecourse Coaching Program, which also supports our 2009 College Scholarship for young women:

]]> PROGRAM SNAPSHOT
Wed. March 18 - Wed. June 13, 2009
• 8 Coaching Sessions:
10:00 a.m. - 11:15 a.m. PST every Wednesday
• 4 Support Sessions:
Pods will set your own times for weekly conference call
• Archived sessions will be available by video and audio recording

COACHING SESSIONS
March 18 - May 6
We'll lead you you through exercises during each session and coach some women live for the benefit of the whole group.

Week 1: What do you want?
Visioning exercises that will help you define what you want in your life—in 2009 and beyond—when it comes to your health, relationships, career, finances, mind, spirit, etc.

Week 2: Why do you want what you want?
Recognizing your values and what matters most to you. How to align your values and needs with your actions.

Week 3: What are your goals?
What do you want to make happen by the end of the program, the end of the year and long-term (think next 5 years)? Setting your outcomes—at least 3 to 5 clear goals you want to achieve with the support of the program.

Week 4: What will you do?
Designing a plan of action for to reach your goals.

Week 5: How will you stick to your plan?
Creating an accountability structure with our support. What are you saying yes to? What are you saying no to?

Week 6: How will you enjoy the journey?
Learning how to refuel and reward yourself to keep the dream alive.

Week 7: How will you recover from failure?
Celebrating success and transforming failures into lessons.

Week 8: How will you keep it real?
Learn insider tips & tricks for living life from the inside out. Preparing for the 4-week Support Session.

SUPPORT SESSIONS
Weeks 8-12
May 13 - June 3
Times/Days TBD by Pods

4 Weeks of Follow-Up Support: This coaching program is all about supporting each other and utilizing this powerful network of women to achieve your goals. After your 8 coaching sessions, you'll meet with support pods to discuss your ongoing homework assignments and hold each other accountable. During this time, you'll receive weekly emails, worksheets and follow-up prompts from your Coaches.

SCHOLARSHIP
5% of the program fee goes toward our 2009 College Scholarship. Last year we raised more than $2,000 to support three young women's education.

REGISTER
$299
Includes e-book with handouts for each session.

To register, please click this link to pay via credit card or Paypal. Once you're registered, you'll receive details about how to access the Live Tele-Course and archived sessions.

Or RSVP to courtney@respectrx.com send check to:
Respect Rx
1743 Park Ave. #429
San Jose, CA 95126

ABOUT THE COACHES
Jennifer Davidson is founder of Reality Check Coaching, holds an MBA and is a trained Professional Leadership Coach. She formerly was the hub leader of the GE Women's Network for Oregon and Southwest Washington and is green-belt trained in Six Sigma. Through Reality Check Coaching she coaches individuals and teams, and leads corporate trainings. Jennifer’s passion is working with young women to help them to achieve success, and training businesses to reach their goals.

Courtney Macavinta is founder and CEO of Respect Rx. She is an award-winning journalist, author, speaker and coach who has reached millions girls and women through her work, including her blog RespectRx.com and bestselling book, RESPECT: A Girl’s Guide to Getting Respect and Dealing When Your Line Is Crossed. Courtney offers private life and leadership coaching for girls, women and their advocates as well as professionals. She's also helped design training and development programs or materials for corporations including Gap Inc., Starbucks, Nike, Jamba Juice, Genentech and Hewlett-Packard. In addition, she's developed train-the-trainers and programs for Girls For A Change, Girl Scouts of the USA, Bay Area Girls Rock Camp and the Dove Self-Esteem Fund.

Jennifer and Courtney are both trained by The Coaches Training Institute where they met. Through their partnership, they are dedicated to empowering girls, women and men alike to find their inner leader. In addition to leading workshops at state women's conferences, they also recently created and facilitated a leadership program for young women who attended the Democratic National Convention.

What's Your Worth?

2009-03-10T23:28:49Z

I thought you'd enjoy this worksheet that I created: Value Your Worth.

Download (PDF)

It's not just to explore the value of what you're getting paid now for your "work." You can also use it to think about how you'd transition volunteer work you love into paid work. How would valuing your work differently shift your self-respect? How would it lead to true fulfillment? (Don't give up because of "the economy"—this is your life and legacy we're talking about!)

Let me know if you complete it and discuss what you learned in the COMMENTS section below. Or set up a coaching session to make it happen!

National Council for Research on Women

2009-02-10T21:26:03Z

We have post up on the National Council for Research on Women's new REAL DEAL site, which features updates and commentary from its network of more than 115 leading research, policy and advocacy centers, offering the latest reports, news and views—the real deal on what matters to women and girls.

Here is the post!

Respect Rally

2009-01-09T08:00:00Z

Respect Rally from Respect Rx on Vimeo.

The Respect Rally is a four-hour conference—followed by a 24-session curriculum (The Respect Keep It Going! Kit)—that empowers teens and young adults to boost self-respect and spread respect for all through The Respect Basics.

The Rally is based on our best-selling book for teen girls, Respect: A Girl's Guide to Getting Respect & Dealing When Your Line Is Crossed, which has been featured by CNN, National Public Radio, USA Today, Glamour, Teen Vogue and others.

Based on the success of the girl program, we have now created a Rally for teen boys, college students, school and organization staff and a co-ed version! And there is 120-minute version for middle schoolers.

After attending the Rally: 98% of 500 teens surveyed understood the difference between respect and disrespect (up from 51% prior to attending the Rally)…90% of teens respected each other as equals (up from 65%).…82% felt equipped to make positive choices and act as role models (up from 42%).

There are 3 ways to bring a Rally to your site:

]]> 1. Book a Respect Rally: Respect Rx can lead a Rally for your campus or organization.

2. Get trained: Attend a train-the-trainer and learn how to be a Respect Rally Leader. Deliver the program for your campus or non-profit organization year after year!

3. Do both: Respect Rx can lead your Rally and then train you—and the teens or young adults you serve—how to lead the program at your site in the future.

Program Snapshot: How it can work for you. (PDF)

INFO KITS
Teen Girls (PDF)

Co-ed Program (PDF)

Women ages 18-24 or College (PDF)