Respect Rx

Girls Count: A Global Investment & Action Agenda

2008-07-03T06:31:39Z

Download this report by the Center for Global Development and read it cover to cover. Excerpts:

• One person in eight—900 million—is a girl or young woman age 10–24.

• In many places girls and young women do not enjoy the basic rights of voting, cannot inherit land, are subject to female genital cutting, and do not have the right to stop unwanted sexual advances or gain justice. As the world seeks to fight poverty and respect fundamental human rights, girls remain nearly invisible to those in positions of power—and yet it is only through major and sustained improvements in the condition of girls that the world will reach its goals.

• Girls undertake much of the domestic labor needed for poor families to survive: carrying water, harvesting crops, tending livestock, caring for younger children, and doing chores.

• A sixth of the world’s young people live on less than $2 a day, including 122 million girls in Sub-Saharan Africa who live on less than $1 a day.

• One-quarter to one-half of girls in developing countries become mothers before age 18. And 14 million girls ages 15–19 give birth each year. Adolescent girls are up to five times more likely to die from complications of pregnancy than women in their 20s, and their babies are also at higher risk of dying.

• Nearly half of sexual assaults worldwide are against girls ages 15 and younger, and girls ages 15–19 in developing countries are at a particularly high risk for physical and sexual violence.

• Around 59 percent of HIV-positive adults in Sub-Saharan Africa—the worst affected region in the world—are women, and 75 percent of infected youth are girls ages 15–24.

• This report takes as a starting point that the wellbeing of girls matters, above all, because they are individuals with inalienable human rights. Nearly all countries are now legally bound to respect, protect, and fulfill women’s and girls’ rights as set out in two treaties: the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child and the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women. But in many countries and communities girls and young women still experience discrimination and abuse, and many of the public policy measures introduced to redress these issues are not enforced.

"Most important, girls matter because they are human beings. Girls have equal rights to human dignity, self-determination, freedom from violence, good health, education, and participation in economic and political life."

This report offers many powerful recommendations. Read them. The broad agenda includes three key actions:
1. Count girls. Disaggregate data of all types—from health and education statistics to the counts of program beneficiaries—by age and sex. Doing so will make girls more visible to policymakers and reveal where girls are excluded.

2. Invest in girls. Make strategic and significant investments in programs focused on adolescent girls, commensurate with their importance as contributors to the achievement of economic and social goals.

3. Give girls a fair share. In employment, social programs, protection of human rights, and all other domains ensure that adolescent girls benefit equitably. In many cases this will take explicit and deliberate efforts to overcome household and social barriers.

Another recommendation that hit home with us:
Creating safe spaces for girls: Recognizing the value of social networks and access to mentors for girls and young women, civil society organizations (including faith-based organizations) can play a critical role in creating and maintaining safe spaces for girls to congregate, share information and ideas, and obtain support and guidance. Safe and supportive spaces are a vital preventive measure for girls at risk of HIV or sexual violence.

WE'RE IN.

Queue the music...

Report by:
CGD vice president for programs and operations Ruth Levine; Cynthia Lloyd, senior associate with the Poverty, Gender, and Youth program and chair of the Bixby Fellowship program at the Population Council; Margaret Greene, director of the Population and Social Transitions Team at the International Center for Research on Women; and Caren Grown, economist-in-residence in the Department of Economics at American University.

Judy Blume Brings Together Team Respect Rx in L.A.

2008-06-30T07:02:34Z

Well, OK, let me explain. We didn't meet Judy Blume. But we did celebrate her and the release of our own Jen Jones' new book Judy Blume: Fearless Storyteller for Teens. It was so fun to remember all the passages and page numbers in Blume's books that raised eyebrows and our own IQs about our bodies, boys and basically everything! With Jen's book release on the calendar, we decided to kick-off our Respect Rx retreat at the same time. Seemed so fitting. Judy Blume is a revolutionary and we'd like to think we are taking a page from her book(s)! Check out the exclusive Judy Blume video below!

So the Jens and I—along with Jones, they are Jennifer Davidson (our Respect Rally Training Leader) and Jennifer Uribe (our fearless Intern and Rally-Leader-In-Training)—all converged in Los Angeles last week. We had an awesome retreat where we worked on our Respect Rally and other programs. We also stared at the ocean and tried briefly to corrupt 19-year-old Uribe. But it didn't work. She simply has too much self-respect.

We connected with WHY we want to do this work together. We made mind maps that revealed intentions for ourselves and girls/women like:

]]> inner peace
fulfillment
sisterhood
acceptance
we matter
being true to ourselves
self-worth
big dreams
tolerance
clarity
connection
being heard
love
strength
not alone
world peace
safety
commitment

Well we are committed, that's for sure. The list was LONG. What's so exciting for me is how you can create so much more when you invite other people to the party and set clear intentions. (I set the intention to do full-time "girl work" almost two years ago). Even in economic hard times or in times of world turmoil, you can build something new and needed. In fact, what not a better time to take action? The Respect Rally and our other programs are about so much more than cultivating self-respect and mutual respect. Our big agenda is to create a non-violent world where all girls—all people—know their rights, know their power and know they can follow their passions without fear. And know they are safe and respected by all.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. (Just ask The Jens!) Our guiding quote for the retreat says it all:

"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

P.S. Here's a picture of Jones celebrating!

And the original song by Hero Style at Jen's book party. "We Must Increase Our Bust"

Teen Pregnancy Prevention: Talking Points

2008-06-30T06:48:39Z

The same week the story broke, tween idol Jamie Lynn Spears became a mom after a reportedly unplanned pregnancy. And according to The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, recent data shows that the teen birth rate is on the rise for the first time in 15 years. Case in point: A recent study by the CDC found that condom use is down among teens and first-time sex for those under age 13 is on the rise and one in four teenage girls has a sexually transmitted disease.

Though there is now dispute about whether the Gloucester pact was real, with 17 girls pregnant at one school--and teen pregnancy on the rise in general--does it matter if there was a pact (my longer take on this here)? For parents, the question becomes: What do your teens know about teen pregnancy and how can you all play a role in prevention? Before you start in about the facts or your values about sex and pregnancy, try asking your teens what they think to truly get the conversation going. It also shows that you respect that they are young adults with their own ideas and values--and if they feel you aren't judging them it keeps the door open so they can come to you for advice and support.

Here are some talking points for parents (as featured on ABC's View From the Bay). And GIRLS, there's no rule that says you can't start the conversation with your parents, friends and, of course, anyone you're considering hooking up with in ANY way. Get yapping will ya?

]]> Tip #1: Get informed
Explore web sites like The National Campaign and PPFA to learn the facts about teen pregnancy and to get tips and resources for parents. Sign up for their news alerts to stay on top of trends and hot topics that will be great conversation-starters with your girls.

Tip #2: Ask your teens what *they* think causes teen pregnancy (and the STDs that can come with unprotected sex, too)
These hot-button media stories are a great launching point to ask your sons and daughters what they know about pregnancy prevention. Ask them questions like: "What do you think led those 17 girls in Massachusetts or Jamie Lynn to get pregnant at young ages?" Don't settle for answers like "They were stupid idiots!" Ask them Juicy Questions to inspire them to dig deeper. And ask open-ended questions that encourage them to think about these issues for themselves and see their responsibility in making self-respecting choices. Ask them questions like:
* What are reasons you think people have unprotected sex or sex at a young age?
* What could have prevented those pregnancies?
* What are the downsides of teen or unplanned pregnancy?
* If someone plans to get pregnant at a young age, what do you think they're wanting?
* Who influences you and your friends' decisions around sex and pregnancy/STD prevention?
* In a relationship, who's responsible for taking steps to prevent pregnancy and STDs? Do you see any differences in how guys and girls are taught to prevent pregnancy and STDs?
* For you personally, what's the best way to prevent pregnancy and STDs?

Tip #3: Ask them about their goals and how you can help
Most teen parents face numerous extra challenges. They have lower completion rates of high school or struggle to make ends meet long-term or many girls end up being single parents. According to The National Campaign: "Simply put, if more children in this country were born to parents who are ready and able to care for them, we would see a significant reduction in a host of social problems in the United States, from school failure and crime to child abuse and neglect."

One teen pregnancy prevention tact is to support your teens in designing a future they choose versus one they fall into by accident. Vision Board anyone? Ask them questions like:
* If you could have it your way, where do you see yourself in five years? What's your life like and what are you doing?
* What do you need to do to make this happen?
* What people or resources can help you reach your goals (including pregnancy/STD prevention)?
* How can I support you in making your goals happen? What advice or resources do you want from me?
* How can I make you feel more comfortable coming to me for help if you're struggling with a decision or make a mistake (which happens to everyone)?

Tip #4: Be honest
If you feel there are gaps in your teens' sex education, offer them info they need to make choices that keep them safe, healthy and on the track they want to be on. Be honest about what you've learned and wish you'd know when you were younger. Try not to be in denial: Almost half (48%) of high school teens say they have had sex. Teen pregnancy isn't the only issue. Unplanned pregnancy for 20-somethings is also an issue (Three-quarters of unplanned pregnancies—2.3 million—were to women 29 and younger.). So get them thinking about what they want, how they can make choices that support their goals, and how to include you as part of their trusted support network.

You don't have to ask all these questions at once! Ask when issues arise or you feel yourself getting fearful about what might happen to them. Empower them to start make choices based on what they really want in life vs. feeling powerless or aimless. In general when you start shifting from advising and telling to asking Juicy Questions, your relationship with your teens can stay open as they become self-sufficient adults.

Debbie Reber

2008-06-30T04:10:25Z

Advocate: Author Debbie Reber
Blog: Smart Girls Know
Recent book for teens: Chill: Stress-Reducing Techniques for a More Balanced, Peaceful You
Her mission: "To create social media that inspires and empowers girls—from tweens to teens to young women and even women—to be their most authentic selves so they can live their best, most fulfilled lives."

]]> Respect Rx: What originally inspired you to get into girl advocacy?
Debbie: I’ve always had this really strong desire to affect other people in a positive way. When I moved to New York after college, I was working for UNICEF but my volunteering always centered on teens. I volunteered for a homeless shelter for teens in New York for a couple of years. I think the year I was 15 was the worst year of my life, but I’m one of those people who is always looking to grow, learn, move on and recover from past mistakes. So as I acquired that information I felt a really strong urge to give back in the hopes of helping people get to that point sooner and skip some of the painful mistakes I made. And it’s part of who I am—so when I talk to girls’ groups, I’m a very open person. I will share anything and everything. And I find that can often be the bridge because being open helps teens realize that I get where they’re at.

What advocacy accomplishment are you most proud of?
The thing that I’m feeling connected to right now and happy about is my work as a coach with Girls on the Run. It’s a 12-week national program and they work with 3rd to 6th grade girls. It’s a curriculum using running as a tool to deal with all these other issues like media literacy or bullying. I’ve coached for a number of seasons. When I was first doing this, people thought I was crazy—working full time, raising a child and volunteering a couple of days a week. But I got so much out of it because so much of my work hasn’t been one-on-one with girls, and to have that opportunity is just awesome. This season, I’m doing a 5K with my little 4th-grade running buddy.

What other advocates or organizations do you admire?
I like the work that Mind on the Media is doing in terms of media literacy. I’m a big fan of New Moon magazine and Teen Voices for giving a voice to girls and letting them be on the board and run the ship. I’m involved locally with the Seattle Girls’ School on the board of directors. It’s a new school that’s very cutting-edge in their approach to education. They highlight math and science, which is great, but they also have this incredible anti-bias curriculum and they’re walking the walk. They’re turning out girls who know, in 8th grade, who they are, their strengths and weaknesses and how to work in teams. They’re set up to be incredible leaders and they’re all social change agents. I was a founding member of WriteGirl and I’m still on the advisory board. And Girls Inc. and the Girl Scouts are doing great work as well. Of course, I’m a fan of Courtney and Respect Rx and I’m totally excited to get involved with the leadership training for the Respect Rallies. I think the work that she and Audrey Brashich have done together is great.

What strikes you as the most pressing issue girls face today?
What I see in my work is low self-esteem in girls. It’s so hard to watch girls change from 5th grade and then they’re different people when you check in with them in 7th grade. They doubt themselves so much. It’s hard to watch girls go through that phase where—unless they have a strong support system in place—they tend to get lost.

Tell us more about your mission?
I think my whole purpose is to give girls information. I don’t try to do super-teen speak, I don’t use all kinds of text shorthand. I just try to connect with them in a way that feels really genuine, give them information in a way that’s relevant to their lives. There are so many things that if I had known, even one phrase could have made a huge difference in how I saw the world. Just knowing that my emotions are controlled by the things I tell myself. And knowing that connection and realizing that by changing your thoughts—which is a very conscious thing you can do—you can affect everything else.

If you had a chance to talk to your younger self, what would you tell her?
Two things come to mind: One is to not look for self-worth through boys, because I did a lot of that in college and it’s the part of my life that is still hard for me to think about. Just to tell myself “that wasn’t going to cut it for you or give you what you needed.” And the other thing is knowing that things are going to work out just fine, that there’s so much more to life than your world at 15. Just hang in there and get through it, and your whole world is going to open up.

What would you say to a woman who wants to get involved in girl advocacy but isn’t sure where to start?
I would say there are a gazillion opportunities out there. Find something you’re passionate about separately and bring that love to a program for girls in that area. For me, running is a passion of mine and my work with Girls on the Run connects those two things. It’s the perfect thing for me because I bring all of my energy to it. And just to know that by being a self-assured, confident woman, you are by default a role model for every girl you come into contact with. They’re looking at who you are and deciding, “Do I want to be like that?” I’m very conscious when I’m interacting with my girls from Girls on the Run. They ask me how old I am and I’m careful not say, “Ugh, I don’t want to tell you.” I say, “I’m 38,” because I know they’re listening to me and they’re going to make a judgment about how I feel about myself by how I respond to that question. Just know that we’re being watched, and even if it’s not a formal situation, you can always have a positive impact on girls.

Debbie's Advocacy Picks:
Girls Inc
Girl Scouts
Mind on the Media
New Moon
Seattle Girls School
Teen Voices
WriteGirl

Debbie Reber lives in Seattle with her husband Derin, her son Asher and her dog Baxter. Read more about Debbie on her web site.

—Interview by guest editor Tara Swords

This Week: Teen Pregnancy, Girl Crushes, Debbie Reber

2008-06-29T07:30:00Z

GIRLS
Have you ever had a "girl crush?" A girl you want to be like or look up to big-time? Check out Court's take on girl crushes in this month's issue of Teen Vogue. The article is on page 150 and is by Melissa Walker.

ADVOCATES
In the spirit of sisterhood, we're shining the spotlight on some of our Respect Role Models in girl and women's advocacy. We already have such a long list of prospects that we might have to start a separate blog! We kick things off with Debbie Reber.

MEDIA
I was on View From the Bay Monday, June 30 offering up some tips for parents around how to have a little chat about teen pregnancy in which your teens do all the talking! Watch the clip here.

Teen Pregnancy Pact?

2008-06-26T08:21:14Z

I'll make a confession that only my inner circle of girlfriends from high school has known until now. Eighteen years ago, I made my own sex "pact" when I was 15-years-old. I made the pact the summer before my junior year of high school. It wasn't a pact to get pregnant. It wasn't a pact to stay a virgin. But it was a pact to lose my virginity alongside my BFF on a camping weekend.

We went camping with two 18-year-old men. We even made them dinner. We wore our cute Contempo Casual ensembles and then we took leave to our separate tents. At least her partner was her long-time BF. Mine was a guy who'd showed me minimal attention (being rude and dismissive), taken me to a dance (a last-minute invite), and chased after my friends in front of me (and everyone else in school). And the "pact" experience sucked so bad for me that I swear I remember thinking—at the moment it was happening—I'll never be the same after this.

And I wasn't. Not because my "precious" virginity was gone. But because I had hit the no-self-respect-aholic's equivalent of ROCK bottom.

]]> I knew at that moment that I was treating myself like trash and I was getting the same in return. This is easy to do when you basically believe you are trash. I spent almost three more years making it worse for myself.

I was caught in a disrespect spiral that hadn't started with that pact. Just like we all know this Gloucester H.S. baby boom process started long before those girls got knocked up or Juno hit the big screen with her quick whit but slow-thinking when it came to birth control. New mom Jamie Lynn Spears is not to blame either (timing wise these girls aren't far behind her on the way to the delivery room).

Like I'm sure is true with the Gloucester 17, a sexual choice triggered by having next to no self-respect took me time to cultivate (even with my environment speeding things along). And even from the thin analysis were getting of their environment, it sounds like I have a lot in common with the girls of Gloucester. As do girls everywhere I go. I hear a story like this a week (or dozens when I'm the road speaking)—of a girl wanting to get pregnant or having unprotected sex or abusing drugs and alcohol or dating guys who could give a rat's ass. Or just hating herself and not really knowing why.

And this all comes from a place in a girl where she hasn't connected to the truth: that she is valuable no matter what kind of feedback the world is giving her. So she (in this case a gaggle of girls) settle for a senseless pact (whether explicit or not) in which the fine print (that life is about to get even harder) is written in invisible ink.

When you don't have great expectations for your 15-year-old self, doesn't a Target registry, baby shower with your BFFs and a little bundle of love start to look good right about now?

My pact didn't lead to me be becoming a young mother but it did lead to a long, drawn out rock bottom that became a cornerstone of my ultimate turn-around. That camping trip is one of the main reasons I co-wrote RESPECT. And it drives my mission to support girls and women in building their own self-respect and creating change so that all people get the goods. (Even if like me you have to build it back all the way from the bottom of a nasty tent in the woods where you just surrendered your last shred of dignity). Or even if you have to build back from a pact that led to 17 babies being born into the class of 2008-2009.

So this is a "hot" story. Everyone will be asking WHY? And a good number will cast these girls like thoughtless, malicious morons (insert newscaster voice: One girl even had sex with a 24-year-old homeless man to conceive.). And update as of 6/26: Now it appears the pact might have not even been real. No matter: Lets look at the impact of the girls' situation on all of us (does it really matter which ones made the pact or if it existed at all?). And let's look harder at ourselves. Recent data shows that the teen birth rate is on the rise for the first time in 15 years. Gloucester H.S. you're not alone. Along with comprehensive sex education, self-respect is a commodity that needs to be nurtured now in every one of our communities, homes and hearts. And in every girl. And in those 17 fathers who will no doubt NOT be the main focus of the national pregnancy pact media frenzy. And in those 17 babies who will be here soon.

Here's what it comes down to as put so well by one girl quoted in the Time article that first reported the pact:

Ireland, 18, gave birth her freshman year and says some of her now pregnant schoolmates regularly approached her in the hall, remarking how lucky she was to have a baby. "They're so excited to finally have someone to love them unconditionally."

And Ireland’s observation also reveals the true solution:
What if every girl knew how to make that "someone" herself?

This is why I get out of bed every morning. To make a different kind of pact—a Respect Pact—the new default setting for all girls and women. And for me.

More Info >
• The 7 Respect Basics
• Sex: The 7 Questions
• Teen Pregnancy Prevention: Emerging Answers 2007

The Girl Effect

2008-06-21T03:26:17Z

get in effect here

Yep, You're a Leader

2008-06-19T21:24:18Z

I've been working on two major leadership thing-ies:

1. The Girl Scouts USA uniquely ME! Leadership Institute (which I'm facilitating July 7-11 in Atlanta). I've been reading through the girls' applications. And, well, if you want to have a good cry while your heart fills with hope and admiration for your fellow girls (and our future leaders), come on over to my house and have a read!

2. Respect Rx. We're taking steps every day, every minute to create powerful event programs and trainings for girls and women and their advocates. We're growing rapidly thanks to the Jens* and other amazing women like our new accounting guru who doubles as a passionate high school music teacher. And thanks to my coach Sharna Fey. And thanks to the supportive coaches I train with at The Coaches Training Institute. This leadership stuff takes a village, people! As it should.

It got me thinking about what kind of leader do I want to be? What kinda leader am I already? I believe we all lead. The question is: What are we leading ourselves and others toward?

]]> When it comes to what kinda leader you want to be, you don't have to copy archetypes you've seen in action: Trump, Bush, Gates, your current boss, your current principal, your mom:). That said, high-profile-role-model pickings can be slim if you want to learn from someone who has walked your walk. Women account for only 2.6% of the Fortune 500 CEOs and 16.4% of Congress members. And of those Congresswomen, only 20 women are women of color.

That said, to me, a leader doesn't have a fancy title and the paycheck to go with it or be elected or be able to pass me toilet paper under the bathroom stall because we share the same gender. You don't need someone exactly like you who came before you to pave the way for you to lead (not that it doesn't help!). At the end of the day, we all are already leaders. And if you feel you don't fit the so-called mold or don't know how to break it, then paste this quote Sharna sent me next to your bathroom mirror:

Everybody can be great...because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love. —Martin Luther King, Jr.

This week's Juicy Question: What kind of a leader are you? And what are you leading yourself and others to**?

*This is not a new rock band:) Jen Jones and Jen Davidson and Jen Uribe are on Team Respect Rx.
**Hey, MLK said it's OK for me to end a sentence with a preposition.

My Super Sweet Sixteen

2008-06-17T05:00:32Z

Oh, My Sweet Sixteen. It was a botched surprise party with, I think, a greasy box of Fast Pizza Delivery (FPD). I did pass my Driver's Test. I got marked down for driving too slow. And I remember I got a dental-floss thin gold bracelet in a Mervyn's box from my not-really-my-BF-but-I-did-anything-to-get-his-attention "date." He soon dumped me. Oh, how Super.

But really, turning 16 was the best. Driving. You know, driving. But now that's all changed. I've discovered another kinda sweet 16 standard. My *Super* Sweet Sixteen. You know it. I thought MTV's manufacturing-desire-machine could never get to me. But after two years of watching this show, I too have succumbed to the pressure. Now I'm DEMANDING, with tears streaking through my Mystic Tan, that my father—OK, THE Father—throw me a lavish Super Sweet Sixteen do-over to be THE party of all time. Here's the plan:

]]> The Invites: Oprah passes out my invites from her Wildest Dreams Bus. The invites are contained on a Mac Light that plays a rap video message from dad—the big guy—inviting guests to attend my party. Or else. In the video, Kanye spins beats in the background and Beyonce drops it like it's hot. Among the guests: Barack AND Hillary. Joan of Arc. The Buddha and Miley Cyrus. My BFFs Janell and Heather. Not invited: You. I have all the power, b-yatches. Don't hate.

My outfit: I'm fitted with a hologram coating that displays the retro couture masterpieces of all time. My gown "changes" every 5 mins. including the best-of Audrey Hepburn. Grace Kelly. Jackie O. Marilyn. Carrie B.

The locale: The moon. Heaven is played out. Sorry, DAD. No one has EVER had their Super Sweet 16 on the moon. Holla. Our space shuttle is covered in Swarovski crystals. I take pilot lessons from Neil Armstrong (mortality is not an issue when dad is the O.G., people) so I can fly the shuttle myself. If this doesn't impress my friends, nothing will. But wait, there's more. Once we're at zero gravity, we drink Cristal out of tubes also covered with Swarovski crystals. There is no drinking age outside the atmosphere. CNN has a live feed of the party. North Korea lifts their media ban for this special event. Holla. We'll eat sushi made out of organic ice and air. Every nation will launch nuclear bombs into space in unison so that my guests can enjoy some massive fireworks. Oh, from the moon we'll project my custom logo, C-ME, on to planet Earth for all to witness. While we're at it: Swag bags for all of humanity. I'm sure all those "poor" kids will love the Magnolia cupcakes and LV dog collars for their teacup pups. I'm trill like that. At some point the Martians come by and crown me their ruler. Boring. As the finale, dad creates a new planet called, duh, Courtney. MTV pimps my planet. And as the encore: Oprah passes me the reins. (She is bigger than dad and He gets this.)

Our surprise musical guest...
...is Tupac. He doesn't have to supply a lost joint from beyond the grave because Dad has resurrected him just for my party. (No disrespect. R.I.P.). American Idol skips Season 7 and instead Seacrest names me Your Next American Idol (whatever, he's just trying to have a presence). That said, my present from Madonna, aside from crediting me with her entire career, is all proceeds from her future concert and record sales. I give her a sigh for her quaintness. So she offers up her children. They work for me now. So do Brangelina's brood. They are, like, so cute. I make Shiloh my new pet, but then I forget her on Mars. OMG!

For the after-party we travel through the centuries in a time-machine made from a Hummer limo (so we'll blend in when we get back home—that's class).

The gifts? Back on Earth dad texts the sun and freezes time so me and my friends have the chance to raid Rodeo Drive and Barneys and Paris Fashion Week for whatever we want. Boring. But then I get the best gift of all. Presented in a small, blue Tiffany box—you know the one—is a shiny, one-of-a-kind pink and yellow diamond encrusted locket engraved with my logo. Inside: The entire universe.

And my first act as master of the universe?

To stop the madness.

Youth Risk Behavior Survey

2008-06-16T20:38:21Z

National, state and local YRBS studies are conducted every two years among high school students throughout the United States. These surveys monitor health risk behaviors that lead to unintentional injuries and violence; tobacco, alcohol and other drug use; and sexual behaviors that can lead to unintended pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV infection. The surveys also monitor high school students’ dietary behaviors, physical inactivity, and the prevalence of obesity and asthma. More than 14,000 U.S. high school students participated in the 2007 National YRBS.

What did the CDC find after looking at the 2007 data? Today's high school students are less likely to engage in many health risk behaviors than high school students in the early 1990s. I'm glad to know that many teens are not taking a page from me and my friends' book (hi, class of 1992—glad we made it out alive!). In all seriousness, though, there are still some real rough spots. Especially when it comes to Latino youth, under-age-13 sex and condom use.

]]> Interesting Finding #1: First-time teen sex is down among white and black teens. HIV/AIDS prevention education is up. But the survey also found an increase from 2005 to 2007 in the percentage of teens having sex before age 13. Among sexually active teens, 61.5% reported using a condom during their most recent intercourse, down from 62.8% in 2005 and 63% in 2003.

Rx: Sex isn't about will you or won't you. Come on! Teens deserve our respect and that means comprehensive sexual education including communication skills and how to use condoms and birth control and how to get tested for and prevent STDs and how to talk to some supportive adults before you jump into the hook-up pool.

GIRLS: A good start is The 7 Questions, then read everything here, then find a trusted adult to go over your options with...Here's a hint: Your mom. Planned Parenthood staff. I know, I know not everyone has a mom like my mom—she was a real straight shooter that one. Probably because she had a kid her junior year in high school. She gave us comprehensive sex ed. at home, in the car, at the dinner table, in front of the TV. I probably told my friends about The Pill and Waiting Til You're Ready and Boys Who Want to Get A Notch on Their Belt when I was 8. So I knew the facts. But with my self-respect on the fritz, I still needed to talk to my mom and reach out for support. I made a lot of mistakes because I didn't reach out. So think about it: Who can you turn to for a honest conversation or two or 500?

Interesting Finding #2:

Hispanic students remain at greater risk for certain health related behaviors and have not matched the progress made over time by black students and white students in reducing some sexual risk behaviors. Hispanic students were more likely than either black students or white students to attempt suicide, use cocaine, heroin or ecstasy, ride with a driver who had been drinking alcohol, or go 24 hours or more without eating in an effort to lose weight. Hispanic students were also more likely than both black students and white students to say they did not go to school on occasion because of safety concerns, were offered or sold illegal drugs on school property or drank alcohol on school property.

Rx: I'm Latina. Not that I need to say that for permission to speak. But look, I see this going on with the girls I work with and in my community and in my family. Of course, it's not the whole story and I don't have all the answers. But I will say this: We need more self-respect-building investment in our Latino youth. Like all teens I want to see Latinos having real opportunity to thrive (jobs, college, family planning, free speech, equal rights, a vision for their life and the ability to make it happen) vs. being left behind and disregarded (prison, unplanned teen pregnancy, restricted rights, gangs, profiling and families being destroyed by addiction, deportation, and the list goes on and on). This doesn't just happen in the Latino community, but this study does confirm that we are struggling big time.

Some action items for advocates (and girls)...

Partner with Latino youth to make changes: Organizations like Girls For A Change don't try to "fix" Latina girls, they ask them what needs fixing. The innovative ideas that girls share spark social change projects that the girls themselves lead and complete. So take GFC's lead and find a way to partner with teens to change the status quo! They have the ideas and you can provide the coaching and network to help them see it through. Along the way, their self-respect and vision for themselves grows. You'll grow too. We need to call ALL teens up to leadership. Especially those who are struggling and who fall under this study's concerning findings. They are invaluable assets. Please invite them to the problem-solving table.

Invest: Back organizations like Eastside Heroes. They are sending kids to college, feeding hard-working parents in need and giving hope and role models to lots of kids where I live. Just one man started this organization and is making a powerful impact. Also in California, teens can apply for the Chicano Latino Youth Leadership Program. Then there is the CCNMA, which gave me two scholarships that enabled me to transfer to San Francisco State University and ultimately become the first person in my family to graduate from college. I was just reminded of this and just sent them a check myself today (really, I just licked the stamp)! Or donate to another scholarship organization that enables kids who have NO resources to complete their education and become self-aware, visionary leaders in our society. College isn't the only way to break these cycles, but it's a darn good start.

Prevent teen pregnancy and STDs: I just met the National Campaign's Latino Initiative team in D.C. and they are working to prevent teen and unplanned pregnancy from a place of respect and care. Read the research, check out the recommendations and get involved. The National Campaign also published a guide, Emerging Answers 2007, that has research and findings about programs that reduce teen pregnancy and STDs. Please check out this guide to bring a program to your area or get linked to an effective one that's already opened shopped. For more on what we need to do about sex ed. see the Rx under Finding 1 above! There are more resources on StayTeen.org.

Listen and learn from gang and drug prevention task forces and organizations in your area: From my life experience, these issues go hand-in-hand with limiting the potential—and lifespan—of Latino youth. Every org is different and has a different tact. So find the one that matches your values. I'm sure we can all connect the dots to how this impacts us all and every family you'll ever meet if you dig deep enough.

Strengthen families: Latina teens are obviously a part of families. I was! We need to be holistic and compassionate with the whole family when we are trying to empower youth. Health care, child care, education, legal assistance, fair wages, drug and alcohol recovery, safety, respect, inclusion in the political system. The list goes and on and on. For starters, look at what is going on in your community to help people living below or barely above the poverty line. Get involved. Get to know your neighbors zip-code wide. My heart always bubbles over when people in my neighborhood get behind a family in need. Our hood is like a United Nations that includes real people too. Yes we have Congresswoman and we also have advocates like me, single moms, day laborers, new immigrants, fifth-generation and beyond, college students, clergy, CEOs—you name it. When s*** hits the fan over here, the neighborhood mobilizes. And along the way another group of neighbors plants flowers and plans BBQs for the whole area. So honor your values. If you're like me, they include viewing all people as equals and as your extended family members. When someone needs extra support, you throw your weight their way.

Latino youth—and all teens—need this now. So let's show them we value them.

My Vision Board: It Ain't Boring!

2008-06-16T17:51:04Z

First thing: I'll finally be doing a personal blog on Respect Rx. Technically the whole site's been my blog! But now I'll actually blog from me-to-you about what's happening around here and my own road to respect (it's a 4eva process as you all know!).

Second thing: Click below to see my vision board that I made this weekend! I've had less flashy versions of a vision board before—you know doodles in my journal or 8x11 sheets with flow-chart looking stuff that showed what I wanted to do DO with my life. Why a vision board? Cuz seeing is believing and all that jazz. Honestly, though. Everything that's been even slightly worthwhile in my life, or that I've learned from (even if that learning made we want to claw my eyes out in anguish!), came from two places: Having a vision. Or not having one (oops!!). When you get in touch with what you want, and really picture it happening, it's so much easier to actually choose to do all those little mini steps in between your vision and making it a reality. Also, getting to mess around with glue sticks, glitter and stickers? Need I say more?

And if you think vision boards are cheesy. Two things: Cheese is yummy. And: The Obama camp made one (which is featured on our friend Joyce's web site)!

]]> My vision board has a couple of themes:

• My Values: All those words everywhere and in the white circle.
• Respect Rx: Where I want it to go and our goal to empower millions of girls and women through our retreats and Respect Rallies! Including having our own Retreat Center some day. And I'll just envision it: Someday SOON. Like in 5 years! People, it's a vision board, not a grocery list! I put pictures of girls I've worked with and Jen Jones who works with me here at Respect Rx. Love you all!
• My Marriage: This is more a blessing that we keep having fun and respecting each other. We have our 5 year anniversary this year and have been together for 9 years (holy smokes!). I put a copy of the cutest picture we ever saw, which is of a little monkey hugging a pigeon. They became BFFs while recuperating from an injury at an animal center and are now inseparable. It says "love knows no boundaries." Cheesy and yet so us because it's also funny and crazy and includes a monkey!
• Kids: Maybe we will, maybe we won't. But I'm open to more kids coming into our life whether we are these kids' "parents" or not.
• Health: That's the surfer girl. I have set an intention of becoming a surfer!
• Travel: India in particular.
• Abundance: Our work being valued and me creating more funding for girls and women by valuing what I do first! Respect Rx will create profits and redistribute them to organizations and people who are helping girls and women. Watch out Oprah! We're ready to give BIG.

It's just fun to see everything I want to create reflected back. I'm not tied to "how" it happens. You can see that these are my VALUES. Values + Vision + Taking Action = Booming Self-Respect and Fulfillment.

Want to create your own VB? There are tons of books and web sites about this—check out Christine Kane and Joyce Schwarz who has a new book coming out this fall, THE VISION BOARD: Unlock the Secret to an Extraordinary Life. Here are the DIY basics:

Picture what kind of life you want and goals you want to reach if time, money and resources weren't an issue. Include goals you're already working on. You want to see them through don't ya? Sit quietly a moment and really picture it. It helps to see yourself 5 or 10 years from now: What do you have going on that really rocks? Stick it on your vb.
Think BIG. This isn't your "boring-just-getting-by-life-list." This is your VISION board.
Break out the art supplies. Magazines, stickers, pens, paint, glitter. Whatever. Look for symbols of what you want to be and what you value and where you want to go.
Start pasting stuff to your vision board. It helped me to start with my values and power words (inspired, passion, love) in the middle and have everything build from there. Add quotes. Add a picture of your role model. Add the logo of the company you want to work for. Add the dollar amount you want in your bank account. Add a picture of where you want to live and vacation. Add whatever represents your vision—you get the picture!
Hang it where you can see it all the time and look at it each day.

From your vision, you can set lively goals that you actually WANT to do. More on that later! Anyway, this is my vision board. Have a peak:

*you can see the monkey and pigeon in this one! (and me and "Po" my hubby on our wedding day). guess which is which!:)

Respect Rx Groups

2008-06-06T06:03:35Z

Feeling the need for more respect in your life? Join the club. No, really—join the club! Lots of teen girls we've met are starting Respect Rx Groups at their schools and within their communities and you can too.

A Respect Rx Group is an empowerment group led by girls for girls. It's like a book club-meets-dish session where girls can just be real, share and get support from each other. It's all about getting and giving total respect while working together to change your world—inside AND out!

Keeping reading to find out how to start your own Respect Rx Group! We also have a RESPECT Book Club just for mothers and daughters.

]]> Some suggestions for getting started:

Step No. 1: Find an adult woman sponsor. Ask a trusted woman to sponsor your group to ensure that you feel safe and have someone to turn to for resources and support.

• Ask a parent, teacher or guidance counselor, for example.

• Your sponsor should *not* run the group, but hang out as an observer.

• You can invite her to participate in discussions—it’s up to the group.

• If you need her support or advice, she should stay after to talk with you.

Step No. 2: Create a Respect Pact. Once you have a sponsor, and decide when and where you’ll meet, invite girls for the first group. Get a copy of RESPECT before the first meeting. If you can’t afford one, have each girl pitch in $1 or borrow a copy from you local library. In the first meeting, design your Respect Pact. Read your Respect Pact at the beginning of *every* meeting before you start. These are the agreements you’ll make together about:

How you’ll run the group meetings (such as how you’ll begin and end).

• How you’ll show each other respect. What you’ll do if the pact is not respected.

• How you’ll rotate leadership tasks (see below).

• How you want your sponsor to support the group, like stepping in to facilitate a dialogue if the Respect Pact is broken.

• What resources you’ll use in the meeting, such as trusted helplines or other books besides RESPECT.

• Any other respect rules, like turning off cell phones during the meeting. Two rules that should be in every pact:

1. What is said here, let it stay here (the no gossip rule).

2. No advice during Shares. Each girl should have a set time to share and you shouldn’t give each other advice—just listen. Know that each girl has the solutions inside of her and don't try to fix each other. The #1 way girls say they feel respected is when people listen to them. So try that first.

Step No. 3: Rotate leadership each meeting. Respect Rx Groups are led by and for girls, but there should be no set leader or officers. Always rotate roles at each meeting. At the end of each meeting, decide who will be the Secretary for the next meeting. The secretary reads the Respect Pact and Your Rights and calls on girls for “shares.” She can also pick the passage from RESPECT that you’ll focus on for the meeting. Decide on other roles you’d like for the group.

Step No. 4: Try the sample meeting format. Here’s one suggested way to set up a 1-hour group:

• Set up the chairs in a circle.

• Have the Secretary read the Respect Pact.

• Take turns reading a section from RESPECT. After a girl reads, she can share how the topic relates to her life, or about anything respect-related that’s on her mind. Each share should be 3 or 4 minutes.

• Once every girl has read and shared, do an activity together from the section of the book you’re focusing on. It might be a group activity or a quiet journaling activity—or you can agree to do it before the next meeting on your own. In the next meeting, you can share your journaling assignments.

• Close the meeting by reading Your Rights together.

• Hang out afterwards to get extra support—including from your sponsor!

Disclaimer: Respect Rx Groups are not governed, monitored or overseen by Respect Rx LLC. This is a suggested way to spread RESPECT. Go for it!

RESPECT Book Clubs

2008-06-05T06:08:15Z

Along with our fabulous Respect Rx Groups that are just for girls, may we also suggest: the RESPECT Book Club.

RESPECT Book Clubs are casual, fun and a place to be real with each other and share feelings and issues about self-respect, relationships and making healthy choices. You can create the club just for moms and daughters, girls and their big sisters or woman mentors, or you can modify the format and create a special dads and daughters version!

]]> Some suggestions for getting started:

Step No. 1: Set up your book club. Before your first meeting, you’ll want to:

• Select an appropriate venue for the book club (library, members’ houses, school, etc).

• Recruit a dedicated group of mothers and daughters, for example.

• Pick a recurring date and time for the club to meet.

• Distribute information on how to get the book for those who haven’t already.

• Appoint a moderator to lead the first discussion. After that, rotate!

• Design a way to keep members informed about meeting details and reading assignments, such as an email group or a phone tree.

Step No. 2: Create a Respect Pact. In the spirit of the book, it’s important to set the tone for the group with a Respect Pact. You can design this pact in the group’s first meeting and read it at the beginning of every meeting as ritual. The pact can address:

• How you’ll show each other respect.

• How you’ll share responsibilities and organizational tasks.

• The way that daughters will support their mothers, and vice versa.

• The promise of privacy—what is said during book club meetings stays within the group (no post-club gossip!).

• What resources you’ll approve to be used in the meeting, such as trusted helplines or other books besides RESPECT when you're done reading it.

Step No. 3: Try the sample meeting format: Here’s one suggested way to set up each book club meeting:

• Form a circle with chairs or on the floor.

• Start things off by reading the Respect Pact (see above).

• Each week can focus on one of the 12 chapters in RESPECT. Come to the meeting having read the corresponding content for the week. You can also take turns reading sections of a chapter during the meeting.

• Start off with a discussion round, in which members can share how the content relates to their lives. If you’re reading the book during the meeting, have each person share after they’ve read. Make sure everyone has a chance to share and try to avoid giving advice if a personal issue comes up. Instead, remember that each girl and woman can figure out her own life. Listen, ask open-ended questions but don't try to fix each other.

• Engage the group in an activity, such as one directly from the book. You might do a group activity or a quiet journaling activity. Another option is to agree to do the journaling as an assignment for the next meeting.

• Close the meeting by reading Your Rights together.

xoxo

He Used Me For Sex

2008-05-27T19:49:27Z

Rx: Of course it hurts. (Uh, that part about pushing you on his friend is particularly shady). I would feel bad in this scenario too—and have been there believe me! So give yourself space to work through feeling let down. If you can swing it to stay solo during this time that will probably give you even more clarity. Then try these steps:

]]> No. 1: Think about what respect means to you. And that means thinking about your Respect Relationship Rules. Complete these sentences:
• Disrespectful behavior in a relationship includes...
• I show respect for my BF/GF by...
• Being in a relationship gives me...
• Some deal-breakers and boundaries for me are...
• Before I get naked:) with someone, I want...

You get the picture! And don't include the word "don't" in the list. Just stick to what you want.

No. 2: Make it all about you. Relationships aren't just about making it work with someone. It's about what you bring to the table too. So focus on you. Especially when you're recovering from a less-than-stellar relationship. Now write your big "wants." What kind of life are you going for here? What kind of woman do you want to be? What is the secret to your true fulfillment? Nothing is too big to make the list. Write at least 10 wants. Make it 20 if you want to get yourself really fired up.
• I want to...

No. 3: Take action one step at a time. Now pick at least one want, and write one action you can do in the next week to move it forward. Pick a new want each week and keep the threads going on the ones you've kick-started. Notice if you haven't been going after your big wants when you were dealing with Mr. Disrespect-o. It's so easy to get focused on someone else and not ourselves. The bottom line: Invest spending your time in doing positive things for yourself. Look at that "want" list and then put your energies into that stuff. It's OK if attracting Mr. "Respects Me Big Time" is on the list too. I hope he is!

The stronger and more self-respecting we get, the healthier our relationships get. The interesting—Self-RESPECTING—people will follow and fit into to our life where it makes sense. It's all about doing our THING so the world can be a better place because we are blossoming (in a good way!) one day at a time. And when it comes to adding more respect to your sex life, also check out these 7 questions. (They're written to girls but they can work for us too!)

Girls and Sexual Harassment

2008-05-22T17:26:46Z

After polling 600 girls between the ages of 12 and 18 from California and Georgia, the study found that sexual harassment was going down in the form of:

**receiving inappropriate and unwanted romantic attention, hearing demeaning gender-related comments
**being teased about appearance
**receiving unwanted physical contact
**being teased, bullied, or threatened with harm by a male

From what I'm told by the teen girls I meet all over the country, this rings all too true. And sadly, the numbers haven't improved from decade-old studies. That said, the total number of instances-per-girl was down according this study. What isn't clear to me is if the researchers looked at girl-on-girl or girl-on-boy harassment—girls, parents and teachers tell me this behavior is on the rise, too. And let's not neglect the fact that the sexualization of girls (and the rest of us) along with girl-bashing is a centerpiece of tons of media and so-called entertainment.

More from the study and tips for girls, parents and girl advocates:

]]> "Sexism remains pervasive in the lives of adolescent girls," said Professor Campbell Leaper, who led the study. "Most girls have experienced all three types of sexism--sexual harassment, sexist comments about their academic abilities, and sexist comments about their athletic abilities."

The study also found that:
• 76 percent of girls said they had received discouraging comments about their abilities in sports.
• 52 percent said they'd received discouraging comments related to their abilities in science, math, or computers--three areas Leaper focused on because of the persistent gender gap in academics.

Leaper's study tries to identify the factors that predict whether girls will recognize their experiences as sexism. Recognizing when sexism occurs is a crucial first step toward overcoming discrimination, she says. “Otherwise, it is more likely that individuals attribute failure to their lack of ability rather than to the obstacles in their environment," adds Leaper.

I agree. Knowing how to call out sexism, objectification and harassment is the first step toward girls breaking through many unhealthy "girl culture" norms that harm girls and hold them back.

Here is a major point from the study:

Girls who had learned about feminism through the media or from people in their lives, including mothers and teachers, were more likely to recognize it than girls who had never heard about feminism. Also, girls who felt pressure from parents to conform to gender stereotypes perceived more sexism than other girls.

We can make an impact. Here are some tips for girls, parents and girl advocates:

Know your rights: We were inspired to write RESPECT in large part because of all the disrespectful stories were were hearing from girls about harassment and bullying. RESPECT Chapters 11 and 12 cover girls' rights, define harassment and inspire girls to create change.

Set boundaries: From gossip to back-stabbing to nasty sexual insults, we all need to work on our boundaries. Here's how to speak up, get help and report harassment. And here are more tips on dealing with "slut" rumors.

Flirting or Hurting? Not sure? Take the quiz to find out.

Spread respect. How does sexism, harassment or girl vs. girl gossip make you feel? Share your experiences with each other. Talk about how these forms of violence—and that's what they are—hurt girls, guys, parents and girl advocates alike. In what ways does this behavior hurt the perpetrators too? How can we make a change in our homes, schools and community? How do our media role models and favorite shows deal with harassment or perpetrate it? And how can we carry ourselves with more respect and respect for others to challenge this unhealthy norm? List 10 things you can do and do them!

Check out some of the amazing projects from Girls For A Change Girl Action Teams for more inspiration:

* The girls of Team 12 are taking a stand against sexual harassment in their community. They have produced a video that depicts several characters experiencing sexual harassment. They believe that by showing what people go through when they are sexually harassed, it will challenge people to rethink how they treat each other. The team also received Yahoo!’s “Purple Act of Kindness” award and were given video and editing equipment to complete their project. The team took a field trip to Yahoo! where a team of professionals taught them video production techniques. The final video will be shown at various schools around EPA and may be featured on Yahoo for Good’s website.

* The girls of Team 29 are also tired of seeing sexual harassment in their communities. They believe that sexual harassment can be reduced by educating people in their community of its detrimental effects. By performing a play and creating a slide show, they illustrated to their peers and community members that the issue affects everyone. They hope that doing this puts them one step closer to eliminating sexual harassment in their community.

* Girl Action Team 5 is fired up about starting a campaign that takes a stand against violence in their community. The team will teach girls about self-awareness and self-esteem--with the desired effect that girls stop being part of creating violence through gossiping and bullying and also stand up against violence in all forms. The team created and presented an original educational campaign that engages 7th and 8th grade girls. The curriculum includes discussions and activities on inner beauty, self-confidence, girl power and supporting beauty in others. They will tie in discussions on beauty and self-esteem and how these relate to violence in the community.

* The girls of Team 24 feel that expressing their personal experiences with sexual harassment will build awareness about the issue. They developed an article to be posted in the opinion section of local Milpitas newspapers describing personal experiences with sexual harassment at school. Their goal is to make people aware that this goes on in a “safe” town like Milpitas and happens to girls as young as 11-13. They are building a community of support which they will use in developing an anti-sexual harassment campaign next year.

Respect Rx Group Sign-Up!
E-mail address:
Age:
I commit to starting a:
Respect Rx Group
Enter me to WIN a free copy of RESPECT